Passion...

"Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping… waiting… and though unwanted… unbidden… it will stir… open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us… guides us… passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love… the clarity of hatred… and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we’d know some kind of peace… but we would be hollow… Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we’d be truly dead.”

"Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Know Your Worth....

"Know your worth. It makes no sense to be second in someone's life, when you know you're good enough to be first in someone else's..." -unknown

The Story of Us...Part 1: The New Boy

She remembers it as if it was yesterday even though it was 17 years ago...


Walking in class on the first day of school, catching up with everyone she missed during the summer, when the soft voice of Ms. Jones broke through the chaos and alerted the children that there was a new student joining the class who had just moved there from Japan. There he was, a boy who was tall for his age, skinny with the look of uncertainty and fear upon his face. No one really paid attention or took much notice, but there was a girl who was giving her full attention, watching the boys demeanor and taking note of how frightened he appeared. This girl was by no means shy, she was bossy, up-front and in your face. Personality for days and seemed to draw people in. She wanted to be friends with everybody, and what she wanted, she usually was successful in getting. Big personality from such a little person.


The boy quietly made his way to the back of the classroom and took the empty seat in between the 2 class bullies. He was quiet and tried to keep to himself. The class went on and it seemed like everyone was falling back into the swing of things. Eager minds, eager to continue learning and playing. There was a commotion at the back of the classroom as Evan and Zach proceeded to throw paper balls and erasers at the new boy. The new boy sat there silent. The only emotion clear on his face was fear.


This went on for the last 30 minutes of class and as the bell rang and the children began to file out of the door, the spunky little girl remained in her seat and as Evan walked by she stuck her foot out and he went crashing to the floor. Zach walked by and she picked up her Jem and the Holograms thermos and threw it at his back. Neither of them uttered a word as they  walked out of the classroom. She felt accomplished and proud of herself. She wasn't afraid of any boy and believed in protecting those who couldn't or were unwilling to help themselves.


The new boy had yet to leave the classroom and was collecting his papers from the desk. The girl looked back, gave him a shy smile and left the classroom for recess....her favorite part of the day. Outside in the sun, jumping rope and playing hopscotch with her friends, she was always aware of the little boy sitting against the fence, too shy to ask to join in. The PE teacher called a dodge ball game to order. They chose captains and the captains began to choose players. Of course since no one really knew the new boy, he was picked last. The new boy and the girl ended up on the same team. She noticed that he looked like he would rather be anywhere other than where he was at that moment. She gave him a reassuring grin and the game was started.


She noticed that Evan who was on the other team was taking special interest in the new boy, and not in a good way. Whenever he could he would hurl the ball as hard as he could at the new boy and in the spirit of team unity there was always someone on her team to shield him or gently push him out of the way. Now, the girl noticed Evan doing this and her blood began to boil. Evan didn't take the time to get to know the new boy so she couldn't figure out why he was being so cruel to him. The first chance she got, she grabbed a ball and hurled it at Evan and he was removed from the game. Now they could play in peace.


The game ended(the girls team lost) and recess ended. The afternoon went by fairly smoothly other than the brief argument that ensued between the girl, Evan and Zach as she told them that they should learn some manners. The last class ended and as they were walking out of the building the girl heard a small voice behind her.
"Thank you" she turned around and noticed that it was the new boy and it was the first time she heard him talk all day.
"For what?" the girl asked. 
"For being nice to me." he said as he looked at his shoes. 
She didn't quite understand because she hadn't really interacted with him, they shared awkward reassuring smiles throughout the day and she asked him to join in at recess, but she just thought she was doing the right thing, behaving how her parents had always taught her to behave.
"You're welcome!" she smiled at him showing him her missing tooth. 
"My name is Yuta" the boy smiled back at her. 
"I'm Sierra. You're going to be my friend" she stated matter-of-factly, not giving him a choice...after all, she was bossy.
He just looked at her and smiled and waved as he walked towards the car that was waiting for him. Sierra couldn't help but feel like she had made a good friend and as she waved back and skipped to her mom's car, she couldn't wait to tell her parents all about the shy little boy who she declared as her friend.


....and that's how it started, but wait...the story isn't over yet.....


That is the true story of how I met my best friend. I can't believe that I still remember every little detail about that day, and if that day had never happened, I don't know where I'd be today. I told Yuta that I was going to put "The Story of Us" up on my blog in sections, starting with how we met and touching on different milestones that we have reached together. I think this will be interesting for me and for him...a way to see how much of everything we really remember, and to possibly have it written where we can share it with other's in the future (hint...hint!). 


.....see ya when the next page turns....


Sierra

You Asked....

I was asked a very interesting question last night, and I think I found the answer, but i'm not sure. The question was: "How come when we're apart, your whole world falls apart?" Seems like a simple question with a simple answer....right? Well, it isn't simple. The best answer I can come up with is that I lead my life with my heart and once people get in, it's almost impossible for me to shake them out. Once they find that out about me, they play on my emotions. It's the worst kind of weak point anyone can have, and once found out,  it's a weapon that does much damage. My mom said it'll get better with age and I'll eventually learn to leave those things behind that sound be left, but how much of me will be left when that finally happens?

I've realized over the last few days that as much as I don't want to have these feelings, there is nothing that I can do about them right now. So, the solution to that question is.......don't let us be apart, and my world will remain intact. Can you make that happen, and deal with everything that comes up along the way? Now, I'm asking....

New Dance Project

So I'm supposed to be working on 2 new dance pieces. One is for someone who requested something special and one is for me to teach in dance class in August. I'm going to be co-teaching teenagers(eek!!lol) with the other teacher Ashley. She wanted me to pick a couple pieces...so this is what i've chosen so far. I like them both, but i'm sure i'll find something else before Friday. 

Number 2:

I'm Back....

Back from my Japan trip...it was amazing. I'll go into more detail later. The written portion of the trip will be posted here, pictures and video will be on my wordpress blog because....well... wordpress has better privacy functions. Let me know if you want the link, I think everyone I regularly talk to has it. I could be wrong though. lol....anyway, this was like a wasted post, but i wanted to write somethingggg. Having really bad jet lag, so I'm going to sit down with my tea and work on my emo blog post about everything that happened during my trip. Look forward to it! :)


Sierra~

Next Stop.....日本

AHHHHHH! I can't believe that it is finally time....a few more hours and I'll be on my way to my second home...the place that holds so many pieces of my heart....Japan. I can't wait to walk through the airport terminal and be greeted by those who love me the most! I can't even contain my excitement right now. lol....I'll try to update a few times on my phone while i'm there. I won't be using my computer often, because there is someone who is tracking my ip-address and I really don't want him to know where I am. My friend assured me that he put something on my computer and phone that would make this person believe that i'm at home, when i'll really be thousands of miles away. Pfft...what am I worried about that for?!? I'm going to see my bestiesssss, my heart, my happiness, my everything! I'm outta here for now. Be prepared for tons of pictures of sakura and FOOD! 


Catch me if you can!!!!!
Sierra~

Stay Down...Always....

"Understand you are the one in my heart, and i'm holding yours so we can't live apart. When things stop making  sense, we'll figure it out. Everything ain't gonna be how we like, and what is worth keeping if it can't take a fight. Your healing is in me, and my healing is in you, so get your mind right cause here's what we're gonna do....Stay down...we're almost to the very best part....stay down...you'll always have a place in my heart..." 

...we too can pass the test. I know we gotta a lot of work... I know it ain't been the best, but it certainly ain't been the worse....

Wouldn't It Be Nice....

....make it all stop?

Late Night Crying Session....

it's starting to feel  familiar....

First Sight

Discovery...

I'm on a quest of self-discovery. Trying to figure out what path I want to take in life. I should have figured this out by now, but I haven't and it's frustrating. I want a fresh start, but what path do I take to get there. The first thing I need to do is get my health where I want it to be. I don't feel 100% so I think that will be the first thing that I do. I've been dieting since January. Just trying to tone up and work on endurance. It's been going pretty well so far but I have had some slip ups. It's time for me to get serious. I can't cut carbs completely but I think I'm going to try to keep them at a bare minimum. I need to eliminate the words "can't" and "it's too hard" from my vocabulary. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. 
I also want to make it a goal to go out more, by myself and meet some new people. I get so wrapped up in my professional life that I feel my social life is slipping away. It's time for me to detach myself from my laptop and find out what's out there for me, or who might be out there for me. I plan to have blog entries up about every new place that I visit. I'm going to start that after I get back from Japan. It's time to get back to the people and I can't say that I'm happy about how much time I spend on the internet. If I want things to happen for me then I have to get out there and make them happen. 
I'm thinking about making a career change as well, because as I mentioned in some of my earlier blog posts. I'm not happy where I am. I wake up angry in the morning, because I don't want to go to work, but here is the problem....I'm extremely comfortable where I am, and the idea of picking up and starting a totally new career is frightening for me, and I don't know if I want to do that right now, because I don't know how long I'll be in the United States. I really don't see a future in this country for me. Don't get me wrong America is great, but something in my soul tells me that I'm not meant to live here for the rest of my life. I don't know which country I'm meant to be in, but I need to pack away my fears and just go for it. Japan is an obvious option because I have family there, but I kind of want to go somewhere, where I can't rely on anybody. I just want to see if I can do it on my own.
I don't know where this path of self-discovery will lead me, and I don't know what obstacles I'll encounter along the way, but I know that this is something that I have to do for my own peace of mind and health. I hope that anyone who is reading this is also taking steps in the direction of self-discovery and I hope that your journey is easier than mine has been! :)


Until next time~
Sierra

No Words Needed...

Just listen, and feel....

It's what happens when amazing voices are blended together....

Happiness...Is on the way...

Feeling good compared to most days which is good. :) I had a little medical scare yesterday and had to rush to the doctor because my blood pressure was really high and I was having a diabetic crisis. Turns out that the blood pressure thing was just stress, and I was able to take a few hours to calm down and kind of get back on track. I need to be careful with my stress level, because it won't be long before I leave for Japan for 2 weeks, and I can't wait. On a daily basis I imagine myself exiting the terminal at the airport and being welcomed by Yuta, my second set of parents, miya, emi and kat. I miss them terribly and I wish I could fast forward time and be there now. If I could drop everything right now, I would go and live there. I already feel like my whole entire life is in Japan and the only thing missing is me. Why am I so scared to make the big step and commit to living there? My parents and brother's are a huge reason why I'm unsure. As far as my friends here, there are only a few here that I worry about. It's sad to say, but the rest are adding to my stress these days and I don't think that I'd miss that part of our friendship. I don't think I've ever needed a vacation as badly as I need one right now. I don't think I've ever needed Yuta as much as I need him right now. I don't think i've ever needed the wisdom of his mother as much as I need it right now. 
Everything that I need and want is there and I'm falling way behind. Hurry up April 22nd, I can't wait to just feel strong arms and warmth, letting me know that at least for 2 weeks I'm okay, I'm loved and I'm protected. I crave it daily and it's a source of happiness that I need. It's going to feel good letting someone take care of me for a change. It doesn't happen often enough. :) 

Until next time~
Sierra

Just Keep Breathing....

I miss you so much it hurts...

Wait It Out....

Pain on pain on play...repeating....

The Return......of Shinhwa!

Shinhwa!!!!! I'm so excited that they are back. I've been following kpop forever it seems. I have VHS tapes of Shinhwa, Sechskies, H.O.T and so many other amazing old school singers and rappers. Wow, my age is really showing! Anyway...I was just talking to my friend Marcy and we were saying how we wish that all of the old school groups could come back. We talked about how some of the kids might be like "who are these people?" While their mom's fan-girl and cry as they drive their little kiddies around! It'd be epic awesomeness! Really! lol I'm  beyond excited for The Return of Shinhwa, and they came back just the way I thought they would....AMAZING! I'm listening to their album as I'm typing this and memories of the good old days are coming back to me. I haven't came across a song that I don't like yet. I love the upbeat songs, I love the ballads...I love everything about this right now. 


Eric, Minwoo, Dongwan, Hyesung, Jun Jin, Andy....thank you for bringing me the music I fell in love with in 1998 and thank you for bringing the music back to me. I'm loving and appreciating the mature sound.  


Enjoy this with me....

Shinhwa-Venus

Shinhwa- Hurts

That's just two of the amazing songs! Make sure you support them and buy their music. I know that I'm not the only one excited that they are back, so pleaseeee show them support! I've been connecting with a lot of my friends who faded away from kpop with the "new era." It's nice that we can have a comeback just as Shinhwa is doing. 


Until next time
Sierra~

...at The Finish Line...

It's been a while since I posted something like this. I wouldn't call it a "sad" post, because although some of the words might evoke the emotion of sadness, I'm actually very happy. :) 


There is always something that pushes you back to the start. It could be a really good thing, something that makes you go back and gives you the chance to correct all the mistakes that you made in the past. I'm not looking at this setback as a negative thing. I'm going to dig deep and gather everything that is positive out of this situation. Where ever I meant to be, I'll get there. My finish line just changed positions, but I'll never stop running towards it, I'll run until I die...and if I die after I crossed that finish line....it's okay. I made it..right? I don't know what's on the other side of that line, but the accomplishment of finishing...I welcome it with open arms. After all that I've been through in my life, I can't be anything but grateful. My path is not easy and it won't ever be. I finally accept that...I'm finally okay with that. There's nothing wrong with fighting. My life isn't made to be easy, and that's just the way it was written for me. Physical, mental and emotional abuse...they are all a part of my story, and I won't leave those parts out, because those are the things that make me stronger than the average person. I've been beat until I bled by someone that "loved" me, I've been called worthless, stupid, told that I'll never be anyone, told that I'd die miserable. I battled back from all of that, so how could I let a setback knock me down? I'm stronger than that. I'm happy for everything that's happened to me and I know that as long as I'm still breathing.....I'm not at the finish line yet....

Until Next Time
Sierra~

They Are Coming....Because...

I'm drowning myself in the memories of love....

my heart is breaking with the thought of our lost love...

I feel that....
Please don't stay in my heart once you're gone....

Wake Up....

Right now...wake uppp

The Moon that Embraces the Sun...

*SEMI/PARTLY/SORT OF SPOILER ALERT!!!!!*

IF YOU PLAN TO WATCH THIS DRAMA THEN I SUGGEST YOU NOT READ THIS. I DON'T THINK IT CONTAINS TOO MANY SPOILERS OR WOULD TAKE AWAY FROM THE EXPERIENCE OF WATCHING THE DRAMA, BUT IT MIGHT BE MORE THAN YOU WANT TO KNOW. SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! now that i'm done shouting at you...you may continue :)

I just finished this amazing drama called The Moon that Embraces the Sun or The Moon Embracing the Sun...however you want to write the title. It's a period/historical drama and I know that some people find these to be boring, but this one was truly amazing, and I'm not saying that just because I'm biased towards period/historical drama's. I think that the actors and actresses each portrayed their respective characters with charm, care, compassion, love and devotion that would appeal even to those who enjoy "current" drama's.

I don't think I need to go into detail about what an amazing actor Kim Soo Hyun is, I will say that after seeing him in Dream High, this role opened my eyes up to just how amazing he is going to be in his entire acting career. King Lee Hwon was a young boy who fell in love with a girl and it just so happened that his brother Prince Yang Myung also fell in love with her, but there was another twist because Lady Bo Kyung had fallen for the young king as well. This all leads to an evil grandmother who killed for her son to get him in the position of King and the madness of father's who on one side did everything he could do to cover up misdeeds in the name of protecting his family, and on the other side a father who would do anything to push him and his daughter into a position of power, the corruption of officials, a shaman who was asked to do the unthinkable and a truly evil plot to replace crown princess Yeon Woo with lady Bo Kyung.  

For awhile it looked as though evil would prevail, but since we know that this is a drama....good always finds a way to fight back. It was a long and tough road for King Lee Hwon and the eventual Queen Yeon Woo, but they found their way back to each other through everything that was thrown at them. 

I watched this drama on Viki and I was reading some of the comments and I have to say that there were a lot of comments to the effect of..."all these people had to die just so that they are able to love each other". I don't agree with this statement, because although this was a beautiful love story, it was not just about Lee Hwon and Yeon Woo's romance. This drama was also about doing the right thing even when it hurts to do so, choosing the right path and it was based heavily on being a King and dealing with corruption and treason. Those are the bigger issues that I gathered from the drama, again, it might just be that I'm biased towards historical drama's so I read deeper into them than any other person would, but I don't like the misconception that this was all based on a story about young love. 

Also, another comment was made in regards to Lady Bo Kyung/former Queen. There were actually many comments about her being a victim of circumstance and having pity on her. Although I did pity her character somewhat, I can't excuse her evil doing because she was a victim of circumstance. Why? Because in my opinion Yeon Woo was the bigger victim. Everything that was originally and rightfully hers was stripped away from her at the hands of the Queen Dowager(Lee Hwon's grandmother), Bo Kyung, Bo Kyung's father and Princess Min Hwa(Lee Hwon's little sister). Although Yeon Woo could have and should have been angry she did not stoop to the low tactics that Bo Kyung did. I can't say that I feel bad for how her character ended up. 

Well, I'm going to leave it there, because I'm afraid that this has gotten longer than what I anticipated it to be, and there is still so many characters that I left out and so many more thoughts swimming through my head. I guess the main point of this post is to get you to step out of your "current" drama box and watch this amazing historical drama. You won't regret it! 

Until next time...

Sierra~

Somewhere Only We Know...

Our secret hiding place, Our place of shelter, the place that we've laughed. The place we had our first big argument. The place where we shared our hopes and dreams. The place we cried after every failure and setback, celebrated every goal reached. Birthday's, Valentine's Day's, Christmas', Graduation's. Our place that holds all of our bad memories, but holds many more of our extraordinary memories. There is only one place like that, and it's the one place you know you can always find me.....

"I walked across an empty land, I knew the pathway like the back of my hand. i felt the Earth beneath my feet, sat by the river and it made me complete. Is the place, we used to love, is this the place that I've been dreaming of? And if you have a minute why don't we go, talk about it somewhere only we know. This could be the end of everything, so why don't we go...somewhere only we know?"

Lightless

something I've been feeling lately...yeah.

Goodnight~

Fall with me...

I Will.....

"You're far away, but it feels like you're always right by my side. 

There are nights when I want to entrust everything to your tenderness....

I want to keep singing about this love I can't put into words...

Keep gazing at me, every day, forever....

And......I will be with you...."

Back In Time...

This is my favorite song from one of my current favorite Korean drama's....The Moon that Embraces the Sun. I'll be posting a review about it when it wraps up next week(so sad about this...really). Anyway, I love the lyrics to this song, I think think that everyone at some point has felt like this...I know I have.....

I'll make a "real" post in a few days...things have just been crazy crazy so I need to organize my thoughts. 


Until then~
Sierra~

Love All Over Me...

In love with this song....

"you put the color back in my life...and now where there was black and white, your love made me iridescent, I got love all over me....and i don't want to get it off, I'm completely covered up in your love..."

For...Yuta...You Make It Real...

So we decided to do this project  where we post a song with the lyrics that describe what we have meant to each other over the years since our friendship-anniversary is coming up. After days and days of going through my iTunes library, i've finally found it. Listen to the lyrics very, very carefully. I think it explains EVERYTHING! I can't think of a song that could be any more PERFECT! 

This is for you....I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll be waiting for your response! (I can't believe that I actually beat you!) LOL

Always...and...Forever...

Every day I'm reminded of the promises that I want to keep, and it makes it all easier knowing that I have someone that is going to stay with me. Always....and...forever.


This song means a lot to me, because of the lyrics and what they represent. I'm so grateful for the person who knows the answers without having to hear the questions. Someone who wants to make it all disappear, someone who knows my pretend smiles, someone who told me that "it's okay to trust in me"

To Someone Special...

<333333

Overwhelming....Exhaustion...

I had a realization tonight as I was looking over my day planner, I have too many responsibilities and there really isn't a second of the day in the coming weeks for me to breathe. I'm sure things will maybe calm down a little after this month, but it kind of sucks that I thought I was going to have a really good March when in actuality it's probably going to be horrible. I have work everyday which takes up most of my day, and I follow that up with dance class or some other kind of exercise followed by coming home and taking care of my dogs and maybe sneaking in dinner if it isn't too late, added to that might be little tasks I have to do for work like returning night phone calls, answering emails and things like that. Now, that is just a regular day in my life. Now this month I have to add in surgeries for both my dogs which means vet visits to drop them off, pick them up the next day....on two separate occasions. It's highly stressful for me because my vet office is a madhouse, the wait is long...Nala gets anxious, it's just stressful all around for me and her. This will be the first time she has to stay over night and the first time she'll be away from Rain so I'm anticipating not getting much sleep for awhile. I probably shouldn't really worry about this yet, but it's coming up soon and I need to make preparations. 


My anxiety is flaring up big time, and everyone around me seems to think that I can handle it, but I'm doubting myself. It seems like too much and the pressure is enormous right now. The only thing my parents keep saying is "all of this will make you better able to handle anything. it's all going to prepare you for your future and the busy life that a family brings". I guess I can kind of understand where they are coming from, but I know that this family I'm preparing for will have a partner who will be eager to help me, a partner that will share some of the responsibility and pressure, so it's kind of hard to shoulder it all on my own right now. I guess it's a real lesson in independence. I've always been an independent person when it comes to doing things in my own time, but i'm learning that the older I get the less I'm afforded with the option of doing what I WANT to do. It turns more into doing what I HAVE to do in order for things to turn out the way they are meant to. I just need to keep reminding myself to do one thing at a time and take it one day at a time otherwise, I'm going to drive myself crazy.....if I'm not already there.....


Until next time~
Sierra

Leap Day!

The extra day of the year filled me with extra emotions today, and the one that ruled over all of them was the feeling of being completely drained. I think that a lot of that feeling comes from work. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I'm no longer happy at my job, I don't know when it happened or why it happened, I just know that it did. Don't get me wrong I love the work that I do, but the management is what is getting to me. We had a meeting the other day and my boss asked me what my goals were for March and it took everything in me not to say "to fucking survive here" because that is what it has come to. 

Well, enough of that depressing stuff! LOL...overall, I've had a good first 2 months of the year and I know that March is going to bring more good my way, I just have to get ready for it! Well, I hope you had a good Leap Day! It's time for me to get some rest. 

Until next time~

Sierra

Crush...

A cute little something that was in my inbox this morning....

I couldn't find an answer for you, so you'll just have to wait. lol

Happy...

I haven't made a post in a few days, so I thought that I should drop a few words here. I've been so happy these last few days. I've been reconnecting with my friends, going out more and having a life. I brought up the subject to my parents about moving, they seem sad but happy about it. I haven't made a decision yet, but the more I think about it...the happier I get. Have you ever had the feeling that your life is supposed to be so much more? I'm having that feeling lately. I also have the feeling that wherever I move, i'm going to be successful. I've just been feeling good! 

I had a skype date with Yuta's mom for our weekly Jersey Shore date. I'm so surprised she likes that show, but she loves it. We even got Yuta to watch it. He made smart ass, jerk-like comments about it, but he was a good sport about it. That's a great quality in a person. Someone who will spend  time with you even when it's something that they might not enjoy. Well, I'll leave it here. I just wanted to make a random post. lol

Until next time~

Sierra

Sleep....

I don't think I'll be getting much of that tonight, but on a different note....
I ended up looking at apartments in Tokyo....I wonder what that could mean....
It is only planned to be a visit, but i'm looking for apartments....
Change can be good.....right?

In A Bad Mood...

Can't stay happy forever right? I just wish that I could....


Bye...

Happy Valentines Day!

Today was Valentines Day, or for me....Single Awareness Day. LOL I wasn't expecting much out of today. I went to work, ate a lot of chocolate and had a little gift exchange with co-workers. I'd have to say that it was a pretty good day. Something unexpected happened twice today though. First of all, this is the first Valentine's Day in 3 years that Yuta hasn't been here, so that was a bit sad, but I was sitting at work when the receptionist buzzed me on the intercom and said I had a delivery at the front. I walked to the front and there were 2 flower arrangements. I was confused because who would be sending me flowers? I took the first card out and it said "you're not alone, you've never been alone and you'll never be alone. Although you weren't born to us, you're the greatest daughter any parents could ask for." I read the second card and it said "to the most annoying, most complicated, most complex, most whining....most loving and sweetest best friend any guy could ask for! Surprised you, huh? Love you" Yuta and his parents called our florist here and arranged for them to send me flowers at work. I somehow think that they knew that I was missing them being around this winter. I love them so, so, so much!


My second surprise was, my mom and dad came to have lunch with me and they bought me a huge box of chocolate. I guess the moral to this story is that you don't have to have a boyfriend to celebrate Valentine's Day. It's your family and friends that can make this day so special. Today was about giving and receiving love. It doesn't matter who it's from. We should all focus on giving love everyday of the year, and not just this one day. I decided not to share these specific events on twitter, because I've decided that from now on I'll talk about Yuta through this blog, at his request. Although this blog is linked to Twitter I don't think many of my followers are reading this. I could be wrong though. Let me know! Drop me a comment. I don't know why he requested that this be the place for me to talk about him, it could be the fact that we are both probably going to deactivate our accounts pretty soon. He's pretty much decided that, that is what he's going to do. I'm not so sure yet, but i'm leaning towards giving it up. 


Anyway, I hope that everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day and ate a lot of chocolate! 
Until next time....
~Sierra

Winter Blues...

-sigh- I have a serious case of what I like to call the "Winter Blues", I think that it's happening because it's dark all the time. I think that 5 days out of 7 it's gloomy and cloudy outside. My mood is affected by the weather I must admit. I feel tired all the time, and now that I'm sick, it's really getting worse. I'm trying to push aside the feelings of being ignored, and the feeling as if no one cares. Maybe it's just the type of person I am. I don't know...I guess I feel like everyone is fake, and it doesn't matter at all how much I care about them, or what I do for them, no one has pure intentions. It's like "oh, hey...yeah, thanks" and they just go on with their lives as if nothing ever happened. I don't know I think I just really need to get away, and there are times where I want to delete twitter, delete facebook...delete everything, I mean it isn't as if it'd be noticed anyway. I feel like I'm ready to get back to the real world, because most of the time I'm only really talking to myself anyway. 


I guess it's whatever, you can't force something that isn't meant to be, so I should really just stop trying. I think I'll feel a lot better when I learn how to not care about the people that don't care about me. It's time for me to really consider moving and starting over. Who knows, maybe this is just a bad case of winter blues, maybe when spring comes and the flowers bloom, I'll become happier, but if that's not the case...I'll have no choice but to say goodbye, because I can't go on for much longer feeling this way. 


Anyway, thanks for reading...if anyone is. This blog really helps me express emotions and thoughts that can't easily be expressed elsewhere. 


Until next time, 
Sierra~

Sick...

Want to hear a funny story? Well, it's not really funny, but more ironic and more of how my luck has been going recently, BUT i'm like the little engine that could, so I'm just going to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep moving along ^^ Yay, for being positive, right?

Anyway, I worked the night shift at work on Thursday, which I didn't mind because I took Friday and today off of work, so that I could have an extra long weekend to catch up on shopping and most importantly...rest. Well, Friday I started feeling a little bit weird, but I didn't pay it much attention. Then, I woke up to get my hair done on Saturday and BAM! I couldn't breathe and I couldn't taste anything! I was so out of it, i locked my keys in my room and then when I got them out of my room, I locked them in the house. When I'm not feeling good, I tend to become very forgetful and just out of it. I spent all of Saturday out with my mom and brother and then went over my cousins house. Yesterday is really when I started to feel the pain, so I decided that I was going to go to the doctor to see what was going on.

I went to the doctor and he told me that I have a chronic sinus infection and acute pneumonia. So now, i'm out of work until Wednesday. 

Now, how ironic is it that I decide to take some time off of work to enjoy myself and I end up in bed...sick! Funny right? LOL

Until next time~ You...whoever you are...stay healthy!

Sierra~

Friday...Saturday...

This has been a roller-coaster weekend for me so far. I was doing great during most of last week, but late on Friday something happened. Something that knocked me off of balance, I don't know how I let these thoughts get in, but sometimes they slip through the cracks. I don't wish bad luck on anyone, but sometimes these overwhelming thoughts and feelings...scare me, because for a few seconds..for a few minutes, i wish that something horrible would happen to him, or at least I'd like for him to feel even a fraction of the pain that i've been dealing with. That's not the way that I'm supposed to live...those are not the types of thoughts a God fearing person should have. I need to figure out a way to get these feelings of bitterness and resentment out of my heart, because with those two emotions there, i'll never be able to move on, and I realize that. What bothers me the most though is the fact that when I get over it, when I cleanse my soul, when I forget...he comes back and inflicts more pain, and then I'm back to where I started. How do you close the door forever? That's something that I'm figuring out day by day. So, Friday was pretty bad for me, but sometimes all you need is a good cry, and I felt a lot better after I cried my frustrations out. The sun always shines in the morning...right?

Saturday was amazing. I woke up with a new determination to go out get some fresh air and treat myself to a day of doing anything and everything that I wanted to do. I also needed mommy time, because that always makes me feel better. I woke up at 7am and went to get my hair done, because what better way to start off the day than with excellent hair?!? LOL....I finished that and decided to stop by my parents house. My mom was on her way grocery shopping with my brother so I decided to go with her, before my lunch date. I spent a lot of money, but it was good spending some time with them. My lunch date went well too, I enjoy dating and keeping in touch with guys that actually know how to treat a lady. I'm not saying that it's going to go anywhere further, but it's good to date every once in awhile ^^. Saturday night was really good too. I went over to my aunt's house and me and my cousin ordered pizza and we watched Paranormal Activity 1, 2 and 3. I was a little freaked out leaving her house at 1am, but that's just my over active imagination. LOL.

Anyway, I guess that's it. The lesson here is...don't stop moving, even if you slip up one day. Put it behind you and go towards tomorrow with the determination that "today is going to be a better day" Do that and you'll never fail at anything you want to accomplish~

Until next time~

Sierra

Padam Padam...

I've been watching this drama called, Padam Padam...the Sound of His and Her Heartbeats. It's about 18 episodes in and I remember when I first started it, I was unsure about how I felt about it, but as the weeks went on, it's grown on me so much. I watch a lot of drama's, but this one is different. There is a love story but it also surrounded with mystical intrigue. I love the idea of how this drama involves an "angel" who at times finds himself being unable to help, no matter how much he wants too. I think that there are a lot of life lesson's that can be learned from this drama, which is why I love it so much. It speaks to the fighter in all of us, and gives us reasons on why we should never give up hope...even when the worse thing possible happens to you. 

Although the last couple of episodes have made me angry, I guess I can understand where the main character is coming from. Do you love and be selfish...or do you let go and be selfless? Is loving selfish when you know you are coming up on your last days on earth? I don't think so. I think that everyone needs love no matter how long they are able to receive it. Maybe in the last few episodes I'll learn something new. If you are into watching drama's this is one that I would definitely recommend. 

Well, that's the end of this useless post. I don't know, I guess I just had the urge to write about it after just finishing up episode 18. This isn't a review on the drama or anything. I just wanted to write down how I felt about it. 

Until next time...enjoy the music...

Sierra~

February...

It's the first day of February, 2nd month of 2012. Did you have a successful January? I sure did. There isn't much that I can complain about that happened last month. I've been exercising more than ever, eating right, not stressing the small things and just taking a more laid back approach to life. Work has been insane as usual, but I think that I am taking everything in stride. This month, I plan to keep on track with last month. I'll continue doing what I did in January, but I'll add something new to this month, and that is to really focus more on dance. It's been awhile since I've put on my pointe shoes, and I'm really starting to miss it. Everyday for the last two weeks I've gotten out of bed and ready for work and the only thought I have consistently is "I really want to dance". That goes to show me what a big part dance plays in my life. It's almost as if I don't have a choice to dance. It's something that I have to do in order to feel completely myself.


I also decided that this month I'm going to start to think seriously about where I want to go this year for my annual trip. I'll get a few places ready and then I'll ask my friend Mary where she wants to go. I'm kind of thinking somewhere in Europe. It'd be nice to experience things that I haven't experienced before...meet people that I normally wouldn't have a chance to meet. That's what makes life exciting right? :) I'm in a really happy place right now, and I don't know what snapped inside of me to make this positive turn around, but I sure am happy for it!


There's been a lot of good music hitting the scenes lately too. I've been enjoying Se7en, B.A.P and Block B a lot these days. For the last few days, I've been on a Tohoshinki high. I'll watch their videos at work, watch them when I get home, and it makes me feel good, but it also makes me feel bad, because I miss those voices together. I'm a fan of the current DBSK and also JYJ. I love them just as much as I did when they were all together, but sometimes I just want to see them/hear them performing together one last time. I don't think that there will ever be a group that could match their flawlessness!


Well, I'm going to leave it here for now. I hope that you have a successful and happy February! Ahhh...the month of Valentines Day or as I like to call it.... Singles Awareness Day (SAD) LOL.


Until next time...enjoy some "Bolero"

Sierra~

Are You..Looking New?

Woot! New look for the blog, well, not entirely new! ^^ Same content, same background, but the layout has been re-done, the font changed and the color changed. I didn't think that the purple matched the mood of the blog, so I settled on a color and font that I think is easier to read. What do you think? ^^ Anyway, that's all for now. I'm going to do some work on my fashion blog. Check it out when you get a chance. ^^


P.S. There might be a title change for this blog in the near future. Look forward to it. ^^




Bye!
~Sierra

Are You...Feeling Lighter?

So I've been on this quest since after the holidays to lose the weight that I gained due to Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I've been doing really good. I've actually lost more than what I gained over the holidays, and I'm going to see how much further I can go. In 27 days I lost 5kg (11 lbs), it feels good. I haven't put on my pointe shoes in awhile since my broken toes were healing, so I know that the minute I start practicing next month, it's going to hurt. It's a pain trying to recondition your feet to work how you want them to! LOL....According to my doctor a safe weight for me based on my height would be between 105 lbs(47kg) and 110 lbs (49kg). Now, I don't know if I'll ever get there, because I've never been that thin. The least that I've ever weighed was 130 lbs (59kg) which looked good based on my figure. I don't want to be stick skinny thin, because I'll probably look sick, and plus when you lose all that weight it starts to look unnatural. I like having a little bit of shape. lol. Well,  that's about it for my happy post! I'm feeling good today and hopefully that lasts throughout the week. I'm feeling lighter already!

Until Next Time,
Sierra~

Are You...Alone?

Hmmm...interesting question. Yuta's mom asked me this when I talked to her today. I wasn't expecting her call because we usually talk on Saturday's. It was a pleasant surprise...it's always nice to hear her voice. She said that she had a dream about me and she was calling to make sure I was okay. How does she see through me from thousands of miles away? lol...I told her that i've been okay, and I think that, that was an honest answer. I really feel like i've been okay. Everyone has their days, but i don't think that, that makes things all bad. She did manage to pull out some of the insecurities that i've been feeling lately, and that's when she simply said "Sie, are you alone?" I didn't understand at first, so she explained..."You are determined to fight battles as if you are alone in the World...why? You have wonderful parents, all 4 of us...amazing brothers...and amazing friends, and while we all might not be there in the physical sense...you don't ever stop receiving our love and prayers. Stop living and fighting as if you have no one in your corner. I worry about you, we all worry about you. Knowing what you've been through and what you're still going through makes us worry a lot. So why do you think you are alone in this?"


I was speechless...I knew that I was guilty of doing this, but the fact of the matter is that I can't help it. Your parents and friends are supposed to be the people that you can lean on no matter what. I know I'm not alone in any of this, but I feel like I am. I want nothing more than to go back and be how I used to be, and I do feel myself getting closer to that person everyday. I just need everyone to hang on for a little bit longer. Let me get it all together. Let me figure it all out. Let me scream. Let me cry. Let me heal, and don't give up on me. I'm done being selfish, it's time for me to grow...it's time...

Are You...Ready?

Well, it's been a couple days since I've updated. Nothing new is really going on. It's the same thing everyday. Maybe that is the problem. I really need to add some spice to my life...even if it's just a little bit. I'm feeling really good physically lately, and I owe that all to me working out more and paying attention to my body more. Out with the old and in with the new...eh? I'm living and I'm learning and I'm becoming more of the person that I dream of being. I know that I have a long way to go, but if I work on it a little bit at a time...one step at a time...I know that I can achieve everything that I want. I don't want anything outrageous. I just want to live simply...I want all the simple things in life. Just being happy and healthy...what more could I ask for? What more should anyone ask for? Too often people get caught up on the material things in life, and they kind of ignore the necessities in life. I strive not to do this. It's nice having money, it's nice having nice clothes and shoes, but it's nicer being happy and healthy. I'm not saying that I don't have nice things, because I do. I also work very hard to provide those things for myself. There is nothing that I value more right now than my independence. Here I am at 26, with a stable job, 2 cars, a house and 2 dogs...and I'm doing it all on my own. Every now and then I have to stop and say "I'm proud of me". I'm proud that I can maintain this stable lifestyle. I'm proud that I can stand on my own two feet without asking for help. It might not always be easy, but I can do it. In being proud of myself, I know that I'm making everyone around me proud as well. It's such a great feeling.

I've been thinking about my friends a lot lately and some of the memories I have aren't great, but I realized that the good memories out weigh the bad. Every relationship goes through ups and downs, and it's our responsibility to figure out if the people that we surround ourselves with provide a healthy environment for us. If you have a friendship that is unhealthy then it is time to let that friend go...no matter how much it hurts. Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships aren't the only relationships that can end in a break-up. I have had friends that have been like leaves on a tree...they are around for the sunny times and when it starts to darken and the wind blows...they blow away. I'm happy to say that I have more friends that are like the roots of a tree. They don't waver and I know that they'll always be there. Those are the the people that you want to keep in your life.

I've been missing my friends so much lately, skype and phone conversations just don't seem to be enough right now. I want to see cherry blossoms this year, so i'm preparing a trip to Japan. I hope everything works out for me and I'll be able to go. I really, really, really, really miss Yuta. Words can not describe how much I miss him. How many times I think about him in a day...how much my heart hurts when he isn't around. I talk to him every day...several times a day, but I want him here. I need him here. Someone who can calm me down, someone warm, someone safe...that's what he is for me....okay i'm going to leave it here, because now i'm getting emotional. LOL....I'll leave you with a pretty song that Yuta is currently singing to me as I type this....have a good day/night and may you be happy....whoever you are <3

That's the short version...bit it really is such a sweet song. <3

Are You...Getting Enough Sleep?

I work full-time 40-50 hours a week. My work day starts with me waking up to get ready about 5am. Over the past few months I've been going to bed between 12am and 1am. I'd wake up completely exhausted and go through my day in a fog. I'd have an attitude, i'd snap at people for no reason. I finally realized that I needed to start changing the way I take care of myself. Which was part of my promise to Kat and Miya. I've been going to bed between 9pm and 9:30pm. I wake up before my alarm goes off, exercise, make a cup of tea and watch the news. I never had time to do that before. I would wake up with just enough time to shower, throw my clothes on, run a brush through my hair and run out of the house. Now that I'm more rested in the morning, I have time to wake up gradually and take some "me time" it feels great. I've been in a better mood, and although I have some times during the day where I get sad, for the most part I think that I'm handling things really well. Taking care of your health is something that is very important. I hope that anyone who is reading this, is getting enough sleep and leading a healthy life.


Until next time~
Sierra~

Are You...Trying?

This has been a weird week for me so far...I haven't felt this alone in awhile,but I can't say that it's unexpected. Everyone has left so in my house it's just me and the puppies. They provide some comfort but not enough. The friends that i have here in the States are doing their own thing which is to be expected, because they have babies to take care of. We hang out when we can and I appreciate the time that we do have. Recently I've been trying like crazy to keep myself busy almost to the point of exhaustion, but that's the only way I know. When I'm busy like this I don't think as much and I don't feel as much. It's the idle times that are the scariest. I've been signing myself up for more workshops at work...taking the dogs on longer walks and I have even started doing Zumba classes after work. I've lost 10lbs in about 16 days. It happened faster than I thought it would a actually. I'm almost back to my comfort "dance" zone but I think I'm going to keep going just to see how far I can go with this. I'm really excited about the prospects and I'll keep updating here with my progress. Well I guess I better get back to work!

Until next time~
Sierra

Are You...Taking it for Granted?

As I lay here and write this,I can't help but think about things in my life that I might have taken for granted. I think that at one point I took real and true friendship for grated. I did know how to value it because over the years I've encountered some friends that weren't really friends at all. Some people say that once you reach a certain age you don't look to your friends as much as you did when you were younger. I used to think like that until I realized that I look to my friends. Ow more than ever and I'm disappointed in myself for not appreciating them the way that I should. I think I've made up for it and if I haven't...I'll make sure that I do.

Today was Yuta's last day here and I've been surprisingly calm about it. I don't know if it has something to do with the fact that I'm supposed to be spending 6 months in Japan soon or if the reality that he is leaving going to hit me on the drive to the airport. As I write this on my phone with him laying next to me, I can truly say that I am blessed and highly favored. He's been extra sweet to me but cautious because he's waiting on my impending breakdown...I'm sure. Lol...I'm going to try and be strong this time around and prove everyone wrong! :)

I talked to Emiko and Katsumi yesterday and unfortunately they are still suffering from jet lag. That is the one thing I'm not looking forward to. I already have horrible insomnia so to have jet lag on top of that would probably kill me. I really can't wait to go and visit. I'm sure that so muh as changed since the last time I was there so I'm looking forward to the girls showing me around! I need to start making arrangements. Other than the jet lag the girls are doing great. I'm so jealous that they get to see each other and hang out all the time and I'm stuck here. That's always been very hard for me, but hopefully I'll be joining them soon! :)

Well I'm going to leave it hear because it's cuddle time with Yuta...something that I will never take for granted. Excuse any typos in this entry since I'm writing it from my phone which is really weird! Lol! Stay blessed and happy!

~Sierra

Are You...Annoyed?

I've been on the edge today, and I pretty much know why. It's a girl thing that happens every month...the dreaded PMS...yes, all us girls get it, but it hits some of us harder than others. With me, it gets horrible, and I know that I'm being a complete and total bitch but it's like....out of my control. Today, I snapped at co-workers, my boss, my brothers, my mom, yuta's mom, yuta's dad and lastly...Yuta...which is why he's not here right now. He decided that he'd be safer at his parents house. I feel really bad about that because he'll only be here for 3 more days and I need all the time I can get. Call me selfish, but he's the one person that I didn't want to leave. I wanted him to stay here and deal with my attitude.

He did do something really nice before he left though. He turned the radio on in the bathroom, ran my bath water, cooked dinner and left some chocolate on my bed. <3 Sweetest thing...ever and it made me feel so bad for yelling at him this morning when he really didn't do anything wrong. I sent him a text and told him that I wanted him to come back but I don't know if he will. Everything just sucks right now.

Oh, and to add to everything...2 of my ex boyfriends have decided to become friends on facebook. Shit pissed me off, and I know that they are doing it on purpose to piss me off. It's childish and pathetic. I'll try not to let it bother me, because what are they really going to talk about? How they both cheated on me? How they both abused me emotionally? How 1 of them abused me physically? Two scum bags being friends...I guess that's just the way the world works huh?

I won't be able to update for a couple days because a big winter storm is coming so I'll be taking refuge at my parents house. I'm going to try and get rid of some of this annoyance now. I'll keep you updated.

~Sierra

Are You...Living Life Happily? Part 3

I'm finally writing it...Part 3...this comes a day after Emi, Kat, Miya and Ka have gone back to Japan, but i'll get to that later in Part 4 or 5. I think that there is so much to write, and i'm kind of losing the order on when we did things, because we did SO much! So if I repeat anything...forgive me. lol

We went ice skating Friday 12/30 , which was a fun time, even if I don't really know how to ice skate. lol. I managed not to fall so that was a good thing. Yuta on the other hand ended up falling and taking everyone down with him. LOL I was so happy that I wasn't in his group. There is this place downtown where they make an artificial skating rink and that place at night is absolutely beautiful. They have lights on the trees and there is just this calming whimsical feeling about the environment that surrounds you. There is so really good food there and the people are all really friendly. During this trip i wanted to do things that I normally don't get a chance to do. You know, live it up to the fullest. It was a little difficult because of my toes, but i was able to skate a lot before it started to get uncomfortable. This was only the second year that I've done this, but I don't think that it will be my last.

this is what I call Winter-ready Yuta. I love his hat!

 We were looking for interesting ways to spend the last few days of 2011, ice skating was one and the other one was...we went on a dinner cruise on the Detroit Princess. It's a boat the cruises along the Detroit River. It was a lot colder than we anticipated it to be, but that didn't stop us from having fun. The food could have been a little better and since it was one of the last days of me being able to eat anything I want, I was a little disappointed, but it's okay because dessert after the cruise more than made up for it. LOL...It turned out to be super romantic for Miyako and Kaito though so I guess that's a good thing that came out of it. We all just left them alone and did our own thing.

New Years Eve was interesting, because we didn't do much at all. Everyone wanted to go out to a party but since I had spent so much of the last few days of the year finishing the year-end charts for work so I was kind of exhausted. My boss would have been pissed if he let me work from home and I didn't finish. He'd probably never let me do it again. lol. So we spent New Years Eve at my house with a few drinks, watching movies and playing Catch Phrase. This is the first NYE that I haven't been out doing something. I can't say that it was a bad thing because I actually had fun just chilling with the ones that I love. I think that as you get older, things start to fall into perspective and sometimes things don't end up the way that you think they should. You might one day find that staying in is just as fun as going out. Being surrounded by people isn't life anymore. Sometimes being with a few close friends could be just as great...if not a little greater. <3

The first day of the new year was spent with us meeting my parents and yu's parents for brunch, well it was supposed to be brunch but it turned out to be lunch because for maybe the second time in my life, our parents were super late, and I think it has something to do with them drinking the night before. It was hilarious because we were doing a face-time chat on our phones and yu's mom is like holding her drink and saying "you want some? huh? huh?" and she was tipping her drink towards the phone. I don't know how many drinks she had before then, but my oneesan is a light weight when it comes to drinking. lol. Anyway, so we had lunch and it was really nice to spend some time with the adults because we've been feeling like we were neglecting them, because we have been spending so much time hanging out with each other. They didn't really mind too much because like my mom said it allowed them to have time to do things that mature adults do, like go to wine tasting's and things like that. I'm glad that they got some time away from us crazy people. lol
We of course had the traditional new year's dinner which is always chicken, broccoli and black-eyed peas. Each dish represents something positive for the New Year.

As I've been rambling along and I doubt anyone cares about all of this, I decided that these entries are something that I need to write out, because I always want to read back on them and remember the times where I was truly happy. I hope that anyone who is reading this is happy as well. Until next time which will probably be in a couple hours....stay happy!

~Sierra

Are You...Content?

I'm so content right now. I'm content with everything that is happening in my life and I'm so very thankful for the people around me. They got me out of a really rough spot. Before they came here I don't think anyone knew how bad my depression had gotten. I was literally on the verge of giving up, and that's a scary feeling. I don't think anyone noticed how alone I was...How alone I felt. If they did notice...they didn't care that much. I realize now that me wanting to give up was a selfish thought. How many people would I hurt? I couldn't do that to the people who sincerely love me...flaws and all. I'm just so thankful that they see something in me that at times I don't see in myself. I've laughed until I cried, I've danced, I've smiled, I've loved, I've discovered, I....took a breath. It has been months since I've laughed a sincere laugh...danced like no one was watching, smiled a genuine smile, loved wholly, unconditionally and completely, discovered the meaning and reasons behind what makes me...me and took a breath that didn't hurt to the core.

How do you pay people back for that? What would the price be for this kind of contentment? I don't know, but what I do know is that I will never ever disappoint the people who value my life, my heart, my soul. I will spend forever and a day trying to pay them back for something as valuable as they have given me....my life. I don't know what I did to deserve the kind of love that I receive from them, but i'm grateful for it and it gives me a reason to keep going, no matter how tired I am, no matter how dark my days can get, no matter how much it burns to breathe sometimes. Those are things that I can never repay in full, but I'm going to try my hardest. I don't know how things will be when they leave, but I owe it to them to continue to be the way I am now....contented.

I hope that everyone finds the contentment that I've found. I hope that everyone can experience love like I know it. We all deserve it. Be happy. It's not a crime. I want anyone who is reading this that is going through a hard time to know that, it doesn't end here. Just keep breathing. No matter how much each breath rips you apart, no matter how much it burns, no matter how hard it is. Breathe through it, because I guarantee you that while the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't look bright right now, you'll definitely reach it, and you'll be grateful that you had the strength and the courage to fight.

I'll leave you with a quote that means a lot to me:

"Which way will you choose? The one to the left with nothing right or the one to the right with nothing left?" 

Think about that, and leave a comment or tweet me @KireiSie  and tell me what you would do.

Be safe, be happy, be blessed.

~Sierra

Are You...Laughing?

First day of the New Year is complete! It started off late, because we couldn't wake up! LOL...Everyone crashed in my room last night. Emi, Kat, Miya and Kai were worried about some of their family members back in Japan because of the earthquake, so I wanted to make them as comfortable as possible until they reached their relatives. I was so glad that they were all able to reach their loved ones back home and that everyone was okay. The many earthquakes that happen in Japan yearly is a cause of great stress to their people, and it makes me worried a lot as well, because....my heart is over there. These are things that I have to think about along my decision to move there for 6 months this year. There has been some talks of Yuta and his parents moving back here, I don't know if it is going to be a forever thing or if they are only going to stay for a couple years. Either option would be fine with me. I just miss having them around...so much. Emiko is thinking about enrolling in design school here, but she won't be staying in Michigan she'll be going to school in New York. It would still be nice to have her close to me. New York is way closer than Japan, lol.

Anyway...what made my day so funny was....my ex boyfriend called. He picks the first day of 2012 to call and apologize for any and everything he has ever done wrong. I laughed, because none of that matters to me right now. I've forgiven him a long time ago...never will forget, but I can forgive. The fact that he is still tormenting himself over something that happened years ago is hilarious to me. I won't take responsibility for the pain that he is causing himself. Karma is a bigger bitch than I ever will be. I don't want to be a part of his New Years resolution. It's time to move on from those things and focus on what's here and now, and right now...these moments are so precious to me...I'm not going to let anything ruin that for me!

I hope you had a great start to 2012 and I hope that it continues for you! Next post should be tomorrow!

Love, Peace and all that jazz,

Sierra~

Are You...Saying "Happy New Year"?

First blog post of 2012! Woot! I hope whoever is reading this has a Happy New Year and I hope 2012 brings light, love and joy into your life! That is what i'm claiming for myself! This year MUST be better than last year. If you throw out positive, you'll get positive in return!  I'm grateful for my family and friends for pulling me through this year and not allowing me to give up...no matter how much I wanted too. I don't live my life for me, I live my life for the people that I love, because in a sense, I value them more than I value myself. Thank you for making me believe that I deserve to be happy and that i'm loved!

Mommy #1: Thanks for being the coolest mom around. We share so much of the same things in common and I'm truly blessed that I was brought into this world as your daughter! Thanks for only wanting the best for me and helping me in my search for happiness!

Mommy #2: Although I was not born as your daughter, you are so very important to me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving birth to the one friend who gets me like no one else does. The one friend that I know would never leave me. Yuta is a lucky guy...lucky that he has such a strong mother! I love you! Thanks for always telling me how it is...even when I don't want to hear it.

Daddy #1: I love you! There is  no one else like you! Thank you for being so supportive in everything that I do. You have never once told me my dreams were too big or too small. Anything I wanted to do you were always right behind me and ready to catch me if i fell. Thank you so much for that. There is no amount of money in the world to repay you for being such a strong backbone and support to me. Remember...I'll always make you proud!

Daddy #2: The funniest man I know. The most caring human being there is....that is how I would describe you. I know that you are always just one phone call away when I need to talk to you. I miss how it used to be when you were here all the time, but I know that you do what you can and I love you for it. Thank you for taking the time, money and energy to care for me like you do, because I know that you don't have too. You mean so very much to me, and I hope you never forget that.

Brother #1: There isn't much to say other than...thanks for being my brother. Although we might not always get along, I know that you are just doing what little brothers do....getting on my nerves! I love you and I know that if I ever needed anything you'd never hesitate to help! Love you!

Brother #2: My baby bro! We get along just fine right now, and I hope that it can always stay that way. I love you and you know that I'll always be here for you no matter what happens!

Yuta...my bestest! : Yuta..Yuta..Yuta..what can I say that I haven't already told you. You know just what you mean to me so i'm not going to lay it out on here. Just know that the decision that I made recently is turning out to be the best thing i've ever done in my whole life. Thank you and I love you MORE THAN ALL THE WORDS IN ALL THE BOOKS! (LOL)

Miya, Kat, Emi: You girls are my strength! Each of you bring a different kind of strength into my life, and if one of you were missing, I surely would not survive. I wish we lived closer! I didn't know that I could have friends that completed me as much as you girls do. 2012 means new things for us and I'm excited to see what Japan has to offer! I'll see you girls soon. Thanks for coming and making my house feel like a home! Love you!

That is all for now....I still need to make another post with the pictures from the last 2 weekends, but since this is dedicated to friends, family and the new year, I'll save that post for next time!  I love you all, and here's to an amazing New Year for ALL of us!

Sierra~