It's been a few days since I've been able to update and that has a lot to do with the title of this blog post. I've had the same dance teacher since I was about 5. She is absolutely amazing, but she is in no way nice. She works you and she works you hard. She was one of the only people who didn't treat me like a complete invalid when my back injury took me out of dancing competitively. She still works with me and she still expects me to handle any and all pressure that she puts on me. I was abused for a little over a week, but I can say that I haven't felt this conditioned and dare I say....good, in such a long time. So for that I thank her...a lot! The reason that I'm working with her so earnestly is because the dance school that I teach at has what they call "Teacher Evaluation and Promotion" it's where all the teacher's fill out this sheet of paper with the current age group class we teach and then we also have to write what age group we want to teach next year, how many classes we want to teach and how many performances we want for the next year. It's a little bit stressful, because if you sign up with the aspiration of teaching the teenage group, your performance has to include elements that you would have to teach to dancers of that caliber. Now, let's get something straight....I've been teaching 4-6 yr for over 4 years now, and you don't really need to know much more than the basics with them, so this year with the hope of teaching the 15-17yr group as well, I've had to work my ass off. When I started last week I thought I had the most perfect music and routine prepared and was excited to show it to the teacher...well, I was wrong...so wrong. She ripped me into pieces. Imagine someone screaming at you: "Faster! It's too slow! Soften your wrist, Sierra! Did you forget all your technique while you were sleeping?!? Again! Again! Again! Stronger!" yeah.....that was my day for 14 hours last Saturday and 10 hours last Sunday and 6 hours all this week. The other day I got a nosebleed and she comes over, gives me a towel and says "Clean it up and get back to it. Again." I think something in my head snapped, because I started laughing like a maniac. She's a tough woman, but she knows what she's doing and she wouldn't work me this hard if she didn't loveeeee me (at least that's what I tell myself LOL) Anyway, I think I'll be completely ready in two weeks. My friend already mixed my music, and it sounds so good together. I was able to pick my own music and here is 1 of the 4 songs I picked. I think it plays on the strength and softness of what my dance teacher is looking for and not to mention the drama is really good too! Until Next Time....
This is the first time that I didn't have a title before starting to write, which means that this blog post is probably going to become random at some points, because my thoughts are all over the place. I probably should be resting since I just got out of the hospital today. I spent a day and a half stuck in a cold room, with fluids being pumped throughout my body. I don't have anyone to blame for that other than myself, because if I'm being truthful...I haven't been taking care of myself lately. I'm not eating, I'm working out like crazy and I'm super focused on work, another thing is sometimes I get so tired of worrying about myself. I can't afford to do that, but sometimes things just get out of hand and I want a break from having to worry about what i'm eating...when I'm eating and how much i'm eating. So for me...it's easier to just forget about eating, but when that happens I end up with low blood sugar and....in the hospital. I'm so out of it lately, like...I don't care about anything....
A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity. -Robert A. Heinlein
This blog post for the most part is pretty comical and if you are in my "trust circle" you have probably read parts of it on my private twitter account. Anyway, last night I received a phone call from Yuta's "flavor of the month" <--ha ha I make him sound like such a man-whore. He really isn't though! Well, that phone call was very interesting, because this girl starts off yelling at me in japanese, and I didn't understand much of what she was saying, because I don't speak japanese...obviously, and she made it even more confusing when I tried to stop her and ask her what she was talking about, because then she started throwing in random english words that didn't quite make sense. The best I came up with was "who are you? why is your number in yuta's phone? how do you know him?" I'm sure there were some colorful words within and in between those sentences, but I won't mention it here. LOL. She didn't give me a chance to try and explain, because I started laughing...like uncontrollable, tears in my eyes laughing and then she called me something(i'm sure it was bitch) and hung up the phone. Anyway, I debated for a little while if I should let Yuta know that she called me, and I decided that I would. I also decided that since I know him like the back of my hand and I know that how he handles the situation is going to depend mostly on how I reacted towards the disrespect...soooooo...I decided to pretend that I was really upset, and I put on a show....a really good one. By the time I was finished screaming at his face through Skype and telling him how much his taste in women sucked and that he should really think about dating more mature and secure women, he said that he was going to call her and tell her that they couldn't talk anymore. This is where I stopped and well the conversation went a little something like this: Me: "okay, okay...I'm joking. I'm not upset. I actually laughed. Did you really think that I would really be that upset about it when it's happened before?" Yuta: "hell, i don't know. I would have been upset, so I figured that you would be too." Me: "It's never happened to you so you don't know anything, loser." Yuta: "I guess you're right, but still I don't like that shit" Me: "Calm down geez....just tell her that I'm your best friend, i don't mean any harm and I'm absolutely not a threat...standard procedure, you know the drill buddy." here is where the conversation gets a little sticky and as I often have to do...i laughed his statement off and ended the conversation. Yuta: "...but what if you are a threat? You could be one if you really wanted to." I know what he means by that and he knows that I know, but I would never allow his hope to be the sole reason why he stops talking/dating a girl. That's extremely selfish and I'm not that much of a bitch. lol This is maybe the 2nd time this has happened since he moved to Japan. It happened more frequently when he was living here. I don't let it get me upset and I won't argue with the girl's, because quite frankly it's an issue that they have within themselves. It has nothing to do with me. Maybe it's the comfort level that we have and how we play around, or maybe I just seem bitchy...i don't know. LOL Sure the nickname he puts under my name in his contacts doesn't help, but I have no control over what he puts in his phone. Sure, the amount of time we spend on the phone and on Skype can be excessive, and I'm not saying that I don't understand them completely. I know that it must be hard to have a boyfriend or even attempt to start up a relationship with a guy who has a female best friend. I can sympathize with that fact. What I can't understand is how some girls can be so insecure, especially since I am thousands of miles away for most of the year. I try to let them know upfront that I'm not around to cause any harm or hinder their relationship with Yuta, but apparently that doesn't work for long, because 3 months into the relationship, according to one of his ex girlfriend's I turn into "the evil bitch who must be destroyed". I noticed that it's more of a girl thing and not a guy thing, because my ex-boyfriend's have never had this feeling towards Yuta. He even still talks to one of them and they are really good friends. Am I friend's with any of Yuta's ex's? ummm....cordial with 1 and the rest cause me to have to watch my back when I visit Japan, because I'm convinced they are hiding in some bushes ready to try and cut me. LOL.
Wow...this is longer than expected and I should probably shorten this, because it's a lot for someone to read and it probably makes no sense anyway! LOL...Bye!
Things have been weird lately. I have my good days or good moments, but i'm still stressed. I wish I could let some of you into my life. I need an outsiders point of view, maybe then I could find out what i'm doing wrong, or what I'm doing right. I've been trying to live with determination lately and for the most part I've been succeeding, but someone keeps appearing in my life at the most inopportune times. It's a weakness of mine, and I try to tell myself that I'm never going to get ahead if I keep looking back. Why is it that your mind is willing to push aside the horrible memories and dwell on the good times? It's so weird, because the horrible memories are more prevalent than the good and the horrible came more often than the good, so why does my mind seem so eager to disregard that fact? I don't know, I guess deep down I'm searching for something and running from something at the same time. If I stopped running and just gave in, there is a possibility that my life would be so much brighter, but there is an equal possibility that my life could come crashing down around me and all the assurance in the world can't make me feel comfortable with taking that chance....not yet.
Ahhhhhhh! This post has taken me a few hours to write, because I had to calm down and compose myself, because it was something that I wasn't expecting...at all! I'll try to get right to it, but excuse me if I start to ramble a bit, because I'm still not quite sure if I have my thoughts all the way together! Anyway, you all know (well, if you're reading this and I know you...you know) that Yuta, his mom and dad all come to visit 2 times a year. It's usually once from August to September and again from December to January. Yuta left earlier this year, because he had planned to visit the host family we stayed with when we did a year abroad in Spain for university, but his parents stayed here with me, because they are sweet like that. First part of good news: My mom convinced Yuta's dad to leave his wife here when he returns to Japan at the end of this week. I don't know how she pulled that off, because he can't stand being away from her. They are the sweetest couple I know :)...that brings me to.... Second part of good news: Did you really think that Yuta's dad was going to leave his wife here from September until December without seeing her? No wayyyy....Yuta and his dad are coming back at the end of October and they decided to stay from October 30th until the end of January at which time they will be leaving Yuta here until the beginning of March. How can they stay away from work that long? Well that brings me to.... Third part of good news: Yuta's dad owns a bank and he presented the idea to his partner that they should open a branch here, and it turns out that my parents have been keeping a huge secret from me, because they have closed a deal on a space and everything is close to being complete! I was wondering why he was pushing Yuta to take all these business classes and accounting seminars and it turns out that Yuta and Eito (the business partners son) will be taking turns in overseeing the bank 6 months at a time...cool thing about Eito....he's dating Katsumi....part of my "Japanese trifecta-Emiko, Miyako and Katsumi" my baby girlssss. So, during the months that Eito is here, Katsumi is going to come once a month! I don't think anyone can comprehend any of this right now and I'm not sure if I can either, but one thing that I do know is that I'm so incredibly happy. This will give me time to explore my relationship and figure out if I want to take the next step. Well, I'm going to stop now, because I only intended for this blog post to be like 10 lines long! OOPS! LOL Until next time~
