What Kind Of Mom Will You Be?

My mother asked me this question today. She wanted to know if I thought that she made any mistakes in raising me. It didn't take me long to give her my answer or explain my answer. My mom is awesome, my dad is awesome and I don't think that I could have been born to better people. I owe them more than my entire life. I didn't grow up with strict parents. They trusted me 100%. I was the only one in high school who didn't have a curfew, they never needed to know where I was going or why I was leaving so late. The only thing that they asked is that I call them and let them know that I was safe, and that our lines of communication on all topics remained open. Some of my friend's parents thought that this was too much freedom, but I think that it molded me in a different way then it did with my friends. They all had strict parents and no freedom and most of them became teenage parents and/or have/had no direction in life, because the moment they tasted freedom....they went wild, like caged animals let free. I think that trusting your children to make the right choices is a major part of parenting. If you keep them too sheltered, they won't know how to respond to anything different. 

My mom also made me independent from a very early age. I was 7 when I began doing my own laundry, ironing my own clothes, washing the dishes and helping cook. As I look back on that, I realize that what my mom was doing was preparing me not to rely on anyone to do anything for me. I work with this woman who is 42 and she doesn't know how to cook, her mom still does her laundry and that's sad. I appreciate the fact that my mom made me self sufficient. I would not have made it as far as I have without the drive to work towards goals. I wouldn't have my own house, I wouldn't have 2 cars...there are a lot of things I wouldn't have if she hadn't pushed me to take care of myself. Don't get me wrong, she didn't just abandon me and make me do everything myself, she has always been here to help me if I ever need it. Both of my parents have always been here and they'll continue to make sure that I have enough of anything I need....no matter how stubborn I am about accepting help. LOL

I'm a very driven person and I owe that to my parent's enrolling me in dance class at the age of 3. There were times that I hated it, there were times where I cried my eyes out, because I didn't want to do it, but my mom never let me quit. She wiped my tears, buckled me in the car and drove me to class. I remember being so angry that she was making me do something that I didn't want to do, but I came to love dancing and I couldn't see myself living without it, and now I realize that she didn't let me quit, because nothing in life is ever easy and sometimes you have to work for the things that you love most. 

So my answer to that question: I'd be the kind of mom that my mom is to me. Giving, loving, supportive, strong, courageous and trusting.

What kind of mom would you be? 

Time Turner?

I could really use one of these right now, and I wish it were possible. Words can not express how exhausted I've been. How exhausted I am.  My spirits are up, but my body is hating me so much right now. I've been going to sleep past midnight, waking up at 4:00am to workout with my personal trainer from 5am until 6am. Then I go to the dance studio and work on my teacher evaluation piece from 6:30am until 7:30am, shower, work from 8:30am until sometimes 7 or 8pm, then come home take care of my dog's and then it's time to get my gym clothes, dance clothes and work clothes prepared for the next day. Everything is a blur....I haven't been eating anything. I think I've had maybe 2 meals in the last 4 days. There is just not enough time. Grab a banana, grab a granola bar, grab some yogurt and keep it moving.  It's becoming difficult for my body to take the strain, but because someone told me that I can't do it...it makes me that much more determined to do it. I want to know how far I can take my body, how much can it endure? I need to know how strong I really am.

This is worrisome to my parents and my friend's of course, but to me....I know no other way. Idle hands are the devils playground so I must keep going, even if I fall down, even if I crumble....I must get back up and keep going. It helps that I'm doing everything with a smile on my face. I feel good emotionally, but mentally and physically it's starting to hurt. How great would it be if I could be in 4 places at once? Although I'll fall....I don't want anyone to worry. I'll be okay and even if I won't be okay...I'm fine with that. I'm living with all my strength. I just want more time, more time to be with family, more time to be with friend's....more time to do more....be more.  Cheer me on! 

Anxiety

"Anxiety attacks usually peak within ten minutes, and they rarely last more than thirty minutes. But during that short time, the terror can be so severe that you feel as if you’re about to die or totally lose control. The physical symptoms of anxiety attacks are themselves so frightening that many people believe they’re having a heart attack."

Welcome to my world... it's one of the scariest things to go through, and the sick thing about it is...the moment it's over you can immediately cause another one, because now you're worried about having one again.

More Than Anything....

I want to be at peace. At peace with my life, my soul and most of all....my decisions.