Leap Day!

The extra day of the year filled me with extra emotions today, and the one that ruled over all of them was the feeling of being completely drained. I think that a lot of that feeling comes from work. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I'm no longer happy at my job, I don't know when it happened or why it happened, I just know that it did. Don't get me wrong I love the work that I do, but the management is what is getting to me. We had a meeting the other day and my boss asked me what my goals were for March and it took everything in me not to say "to fucking survive here" because that is what it has come to. 

Well, enough of that depressing stuff! LOL...overall, I've had a good first 2 months of the year and I know that March is going to bring more good my way, I just have to get ready for it! Well, I hope you had a good Leap Day! It's time for me to get some rest. 

Until next time~

Sierra

Crush...

A cute little something that was in my inbox this morning....

I couldn't find an answer for you, so you'll just have to wait. lol

Happy...

I haven't made a post in a few days, so I thought that I should drop a few words here. I've been so happy these last few days. I've been reconnecting with my friends, going out more and having a life. I brought up the subject to my parents about moving, they seem sad but happy about it. I haven't made a decision yet, but the more I think about it...the happier I get. Have you ever had the feeling that your life is supposed to be so much more? I'm having that feeling lately. I also have the feeling that wherever I move, i'm going to be successful. I've just been feeling good! 

I had a skype date with Yuta's mom for our weekly Jersey Shore date. I'm so surprised she likes that show, but she loves it. We even got Yuta to watch it. He made smart ass, jerk-like comments about it, but he was a good sport about it. That's a great quality in a person. Someone who will spend  time with you even when it's something that they might not enjoy. Well, I'll leave it here. I just wanted to make a random post. lol

Until next time~

Sierra

Sleep....

I don't think I'll be getting much of that tonight, but on a different note....
I ended up looking at apartments in Tokyo....I wonder what that could mean....
It is only planned to be a visit, but i'm looking for apartments....
Change can be good.....right?

In A Bad Mood...

Can't stay happy forever right? I just wish that I could....


Bye...

Happy Valentines Day!

Today was Valentines Day, or for me....Single Awareness Day. LOL I wasn't expecting much out of today. I went to work, ate a lot of chocolate and had a little gift exchange with co-workers. I'd have to say that it was a pretty good day. Something unexpected happened twice today though. First of all, this is the first Valentine's Day in 3 years that Yuta hasn't been here, so that was a bit sad, but I was sitting at work when the receptionist buzzed me on the intercom and said I had a delivery at the front. I walked to the front and there were 2 flower arrangements. I was confused because who would be sending me flowers? I took the first card out and it said "you're not alone, you've never been alone and you'll never be alone. Although you weren't born to us, you're the greatest daughter any parents could ask for." I read the second card and it said "to the most annoying, most complicated, most complex, most whining....most loving and sweetest best friend any guy could ask for! Surprised you, huh? Love you" Yuta and his parents called our florist here and arranged for them to send me flowers at work. I somehow think that they knew that I was missing them being around this winter. I love them so, so, so much!


My second surprise was, my mom and dad came to have lunch with me and they bought me a huge box of chocolate. I guess the moral to this story is that you don't have to have a boyfriend to celebrate Valentine's Day. It's your family and friends that can make this day so special. Today was about giving and receiving love. It doesn't matter who it's from. We should all focus on giving love everyday of the year, and not just this one day. I decided not to share these specific events on twitter, because I've decided that from now on I'll talk about Yuta through this blog, at his request. Although this blog is linked to Twitter I don't think many of my followers are reading this. I could be wrong though. Let me know! Drop me a comment. I don't know why he requested that this be the place for me to talk about him, it could be the fact that we are both probably going to deactivate our accounts pretty soon. He's pretty much decided that, that is what he's going to do. I'm not so sure yet, but i'm leaning towards giving it up. 


Anyway, I hope that everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day and ate a lot of chocolate! 
Until next time....
~Sierra

Winter Blues...

-sigh- I have a serious case of what I like to call the "Winter Blues", I think that it's happening because it's dark all the time. I think that 5 days out of 7 it's gloomy and cloudy outside. My mood is affected by the weather I must admit. I feel tired all the time, and now that I'm sick, it's really getting worse. I'm trying to push aside the feelings of being ignored, and the feeling as if no one cares. Maybe it's just the type of person I am. I don't know...I guess I feel like everyone is fake, and it doesn't matter at all how much I care about them, or what I do for them, no one has pure intentions. It's like "oh, hey...yeah, thanks" and they just go on with their lives as if nothing ever happened. I don't know I think I just really need to get away, and there are times where I want to delete twitter, delete facebook...delete everything, I mean it isn't as if it'd be noticed anyway. I feel like I'm ready to get back to the real world, because most of the time I'm only really talking to myself anyway. 


I guess it's whatever, you can't force something that isn't meant to be, so I should really just stop trying. I think I'll feel a lot better when I learn how to not care about the people that don't care about me. It's time for me to really consider moving and starting over. Who knows, maybe this is just a bad case of winter blues, maybe when spring comes and the flowers bloom, I'll become happier, but if that's not the case...I'll have no choice but to say goodbye, because I can't go on for much longer feeling this way. 


Anyway, thanks for reading...if anyone is. This blog really helps me express emotions and thoughts that can't easily be expressed elsewhere. 


Until next time, 
Sierra~

Sick...

Want to hear a funny story? Well, it's not really funny, but more ironic and more of how my luck has been going recently, BUT i'm like the little engine that could, so I'm just going to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep moving along ^^ Yay, for being positive, right?

Anyway, I worked the night shift at work on Thursday, which I didn't mind because I took Friday and today off of work, so that I could have an extra long weekend to catch up on shopping and most importantly...rest. Well, Friday I started feeling a little bit weird, but I didn't pay it much attention. Then, I woke up to get my hair done on Saturday and BAM! I couldn't breathe and I couldn't taste anything! I was so out of it, i locked my keys in my room and then when I got them out of my room, I locked them in the house. When I'm not feeling good, I tend to become very forgetful and just out of it. I spent all of Saturday out with my mom and brother and then went over my cousins house. Yesterday is really when I started to feel the pain, so I decided that I was going to go to the doctor to see what was going on.

I went to the doctor and he told me that I have a chronic sinus infection and acute pneumonia. So now, i'm out of work until Wednesday. 

Now, how ironic is it that I decide to take some time off of work to enjoy myself and I end up in bed...sick! Funny right? LOL

Until next time~ You...whoever you are...stay healthy!

Sierra~

Friday...Saturday...

This has been a roller-coaster weekend for me so far. I was doing great during most of last week, but late on Friday something happened. Something that knocked me off of balance, I don't know how I let these thoughts get in, but sometimes they slip through the cracks. I don't wish bad luck on anyone, but sometimes these overwhelming thoughts and feelings...scare me, because for a few seconds..for a few minutes, i wish that something horrible would happen to him, or at least I'd like for him to feel even a fraction of the pain that i've been dealing with. That's not the way that I'm supposed to live...those are not the types of thoughts a God fearing person should have. I need to figure out a way to get these feelings of bitterness and resentment out of my heart, because with those two emotions there, i'll never be able to move on, and I realize that. What bothers me the most though is the fact that when I get over it, when I cleanse my soul, when I forget...he comes back and inflicts more pain, and then I'm back to where I started. How do you close the door forever? That's something that I'm figuring out day by day. So, Friday was pretty bad for me, but sometimes all you need is a good cry, and I felt a lot better after I cried my frustrations out. The sun always shines in the morning...right?

Saturday was amazing. I woke up with a new determination to go out get some fresh air and treat myself to a day of doing anything and everything that I wanted to do. I also needed mommy time, because that always makes me feel better. I woke up at 7am and went to get my hair done, because what better way to start off the day than with excellent hair?!? LOL....I finished that and decided to stop by my parents house. My mom was on her way grocery shopping with my brother so I decided to go with her, before my lunch date. I spent a lot of money, but it was good spending some time with them. My lunch date went well too, I enjoy dating and keeping in touch with guys that actually know how to treat a lady. I'm not saying that it's going to go anywhere further, but it's good to date every once in awhile ^^. Saturday night was really good too. I went over to my aunt's house and me and my cousin ordered pizza and we watched Paranormal Activity 1, 2 and 3. I was a little freaked out leaving her house at 1am, but that's just my over active imagination. LOL.

Anyway, I guess that's it. The lesson here is...don't stop moving, even if you slip up one day. Put it behind you and go towards tomorrow with the determination that "today is going to be a better day" Do that and you'll never fail at anything you want to accomplish~

Until next time~

Sierra

Padam Padam...

I've been watching this drama called, Padam Padam...the Sound of His and Her Heartbeats. It's about 18 episodes in and I remember when I first started it, I was unsure about how I felt about it, but as the weeks went on, it's grown on me so much. I watch a lot of drama's, but this one is different. There is a love story but it also surrounded with mystical intrigue. I love the idea of how this drama involves an "angel" who at times finds himself being unable to help, no matter how much he wants too. I think that there are a lot of life lesson's that can be learned from this drama, which is why I love it so much. It speaks to the fighter in all of us, and gives us reasons on why we should never give up hope...even when the worse thing possible happens to you. 

Although the last couple of episodes have made me angry, I guess I can understand where the main character is coming from. Do you love and be selfish...or do you let go and be selfless? Is loving selfish when you know you are coming up on your last days on earth? I don't think so. I think that everyone needs love no matter how long they are able to receive it. Maybe in the last few episodes I'll learn something new. If you are into watching drama's this is one that I would definitely recommend. 

Well, that's the end of this useless post. I don't know, I guess I just had the urge to write about it after just finishing up episode 18. This isn't a review on the drama or anything. I just wanted to write down how I felt about it. 

Until next time...enjoy the music...

Sierra~

February...

It's the first day of February, 2nd month of 2012. Did you have a successful January? I sure did. There isn't much that I can complain about that happened last month. I've been exercising more than ever, eating right, not stressing the small things and just taking a more laid back approach to life. Work has been insane as usual, but I think that I am taking everything in stride. This month, I plan to keep on track with last month. I'll continue doing what I did in January, but I'll add something new to this month, and that is to really focus more on dance. It's been awhile since I've put on my pointe shoes, and I'm really starting to miss it. Everyday for the last two weeks I've gotten out of bed and ready for work and the only thought I have consistently is "I really want to dance". That goes to show me what a big part dance plays in my life. It's almost as if I don't have a choice to dance. It's something that I have to do in order to feel completely myself.


I also decided that this month I'm going to start to think seriously about where I want to go this year for my annual trip. I'll get a few places ready and then I'll ask my friend Mary where she wants to go. I'm kind of thinking somewhere in Europe. It'd be nice to experience things that I haven't experienced before...meet people that I normally wouldn't have a chance to meet. That's what makes life exciting right? :) I'm in a really happy place right now, and I don't know what snapped inside of me to make this positive turn around, but I sure am happy for it!


There's been a lot of good music hitting the scenes lately too. I've been enjoying Se7en, B.A.P and Block B a lot these days. For the last few days, I've been on a Tohoshinki high. I'll watch their videos at work, watch them when I get home, and it makes me feel good, but it also makes me feel bad, because I miss those voices together. I'm a fan of the current DBSK and also JYJ. I love them just as much as I did when they were all together, but sometimes I just want to see them/hear them performing together one last time. I don't think that there will ever be a group that could match their flawlessness!


Well, I'm going to leave it here for now. I hope that you have a successful and happy February! Ahhh...the month of Valentines Day or as I like to call it.... Singles Awareness Day (SAD) LOL.


Until next time...enjoy some "Bolero"

Sierra~