Are You..Looking New?

Woot! New look for the blog, well, not entirely new! ^^ Same content, same background, but the layout has been re-done, the font changed and the color changed. I didn't think that the purple matched the mood of the blog, so I settled on a color and font that I think is easier to read. What do you think? ^^ Anyway, that's all for now. I'm going to do some work on my fashion blog. Check it out when you get a chance. ^^


P.S. There might be a title change for this blog in the near future. Look forward to it. ^^




Bye!
~Sierra

Are You...Feeling Lighter?

So I've been on this quest since after the holidays to lose the weight that I gained due to Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I've been doing really good. I've actually lost more than what I gained over the holidays, and I'm going to see how much further I can go. In 27 days I lost 5kg (11 lbs), it feels good. I haven't put on my pointe shoes in awhile since my broken toes were healing, so I know that the minute I start practicing next month, it's going to hurt. It's a pain trying to recondition your feet to work how you want them to! LOL....According to my doctor a safe weight for me based on my height would be between 105 lbs(47kg) and 110 lbs (49kg). Now, I don't know if I'll ever get there, because I've never been that thin. The least that I've ever weighed was 130 lbs (59kg) which looked good based on my figure. I don't want to be stick skinny thin, because I'll probably look sick, and plus when you lose all that weight it starts to look unnatural. I like having a little bit of shape. lol. Well,  that's about it for my happy post! I'm feeling good today and hopefully that lasts throughout the week. I'm feeling lighter already!

Until Next Time,
Sierra~

Are You...Alone?

Hmmm...interesting question. Yuta's mom asked me this when I talked to her today. I wasn't expecting her call because we usually talk on Saturday's. It was a pleasant surprise...it's always nice to hear her voice. She said that she had a dream about me and she was calling to make sure I was okay. How does she see through me from thousands of miles away? lol...I told her that i've been okay, and I think that, that was an honest answer. I really feel like i've been okay. Everyone has their days, but i don't think that, that makes things all bad. She did manage to pull out some of the insecurities that i've been feeling lately, and that's when she simply said "Sie, are you alone?" I didn't understand at first, so she explained..."You are determined to fight battles as if you are alone in the World...why? You have wonderful parents, all 4 of us...amazing brothers...and amazing friends, and while we all might not be there in the physical sense...you don't ever stop receiving our love and prayers. Stop living and fighting as if you have no one in your corner. I worry about you, we all worry about you. Knowing what you've been through and what you're still going through makes us worry a lot. So why do you think you are alone in this?"


I was speechless...I knew that I was guilty of doing this, but the fact of the matter is that I can't help it. Your parents and friends are supposed to be the people that you can lean on no matter what. I know I'm not alone in any of this, but I feel like I am. I want nothing more than to go back and be how I used to be, and I do feel myself getting closer to that person everyday. I just need everyone to hang on for a little bit longer. Let me get it all together. Let me figure it all out. Let me scream. Let me cry. Let me heal, and don't give up on me. I'm done being selfish, it's time for me to grow...it's time...

Are You...Ready?

Well, it's been a couple days since I've updated. Nothing new is really going on. It's the same thing everyday. Maybe that is the problem. I really need to add some spice to my life...even if it's just a little bit. I'm feeling really good physically lately, and I owe that all to me working out more and paying attention to my body more. Out with the old and in with the new...eh? I'm living and I'm learning and I'm becoming more of the person that I dream of being. I know that I have a long way to go, but if I work on it a little bit at a time...one step at a time...I know that I can achieve everything that I want. I don't want anything outrageous. I just want to live simply...I want all the simple things in life. Just being happy and healthy...what more could I ask for? What more should anyone ask for? Too often people get caught up on the material things in life, and they kind of ignore the necessities in life. I strive not to do this. It's nice having money, it's nice having nice clothes and shoes, but it's nicer being happy and healthy. I'm not saying that I don't have nice things, because I do. I also work very hard to provide those things for myself. There is nothing that I value more right now than my independence. Here I am at 26, with a stable job, 2 cars, a house and 2 dogs...and I'm doing it all on my own. Every now and then I have to stop and say "I'm proud of me". I'm proud that I can maintain this stable lifestyle. I'm proud that I can stand on my own two feet without asking for help. It might not always be easy, but I can do it. In being proud of myself, I know that I'm making everyone around me proud as well. It's such a great feeling.

I've been thinking about my friends a lot lately and some of the memories I have aren't great, but I realized that the good memories out weigh the bad. Every relationship goes through ups and downs, and it's our responsibility to figure out if the people that we surround ourselves with provide a healthy environment for us. If you have a friendship that is unhealthy then it is time to let that friend go...no matter how much it hurts. Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships aren't the only relationships that can end in a break-up. I have had friends that have been like leaves on a tree...they are around for the sunny times and when it starts to darken and the wind blows...they blow away. I'm happy to say that I have more friends that are like the roots of a tree. They don't waver and I know that they'll always be there. Those are the the people that you want to keep in your life.

I've been missing my friends so much lately, skype and phone conversations just don't seem to be enough right now. I want to see cherry blossoms this year, so i'm preparing a trip to Japan. I hope everything works out for me and I'll be able to go. I really, really, really, really miss Yuta. Words can not describe how much I miss him. How many times I think about him in a day...how much my heart hurts when he isn't around. I talk to him every day...several times a day, but I want him here. I need him here. Someone who can calm me down, someone warm, someone safe...that's what he is for me....okay i'm going to leave it here, because now i'm getting emotional. LOL....I'll leave you with a pretty song that Yuta is currently singing to me as I type this....have a good day/night and may you be happy....whoever you are <3

That's the short version...bit it really is such a sweet song. <3

Are You...Getting Enough Sleep?

I work full-time 40-50 hours a week. My work day starts with me waking up to get ready about 5am. Over the past few months I've been going to bed between 12am and 1am. I'd wake up completely exhausted and go through my day in a fog. I'd have an attitude, i'd snap at people for no reason. I finally realized that I needed to start changing the way I take care of myself. Which was part of my promise to Kat and Miya. I've been going to bed between 9pm and 9:30pm. I wake up before my alarm goes off, exercise, make a cup of tea and watch the news. I never had time to do that before. I would wake up with just enough time to shower, throw my clothes on, run a brush through my hair and run out of the house. Now that I'm more rested in the morning, I have time to wake up gradually and take some "me time" it feels great. I've been in a better mood, and although I have some times during the day where I get sad, for the most part I think that I'm handling things really well. Taking care of your health is something that is very important. I hope that anyone who is reading this, is getting enough sleep and leading a healthy life.


Until next time~
Sierra~

Are You...Trying?

This has been a weird week for me so far...I haven't felt this alone in awhile,but I can't say that it's unexpected. Everyone has left so in my house it's just me and the puppies. They provide some comfort but not enough. The friends that i have here in the States are doing their own thing which is to be expected, because they have babies to take care of. We hang out when we can and I appreciate the time that we do have. Recently I've been trying like crazy to keep myself busy almost to the point of exhaustion, but that's the only way I know. When I'm busy like this I don't think as much and I don't feel as much. It's the idle times that are the scariest. I've been signing myself up for more workshops at work...taking the dogs on longer walks and I have even started doing Zumba classes after work. I've lost 10lbs in about 16 days. It happened faster than I thought it would a actually. I'm almost back to my comfort "dance" zone but I think I'm going to keep going just to see how far I can go with this. I'm really excited about the prospects and I'll keep updating here with my progress. Well I guess I better get back to work!

Until next time~
Sierra

Are You...Taking it for Granted?

As I lay here and write this,I can't help but think about things in my life that I might have taken for granted. I think that at one point I took real and true friendship for grated. I did know how to value it because over the years I've encountered some friends that weren't really friends at all. Some people say that once you reach a certain age you don't look to your friends as much as you did when you were younger. I used to think like that until I realized that I look to my friends. Ow more than ever and I'm disappointed in myself for not appreciating them the way that I should. I think I've made up for it and if I haven't...I'll make sure that I do.

Today was Yuta's last day here and I've been surprisingly calm about it. I don't know if it has something to do with the fact that I'm supposed to be spending 6 months in Japan soon or if the reality that he is leaving going to hit me on the drive to the airport. As I write this on my phone with him laying next to me, I can truly say that I am blessed and highly favored. He's been extra sweet to me but cautious because he's waiting on my impending breakdown...I'm sure. Lol...I'm going to try and be strong this time around and prove everyone wrong! :)

I talked to Emiko and Katsumi yesterday and unfortunately they are still suffering from jet lag. That is the one thing I'm not looking forward to. I already have horrible insomnia so to have jet lag on top of that would probably kill me. I really can't wait to go and visit. I'm sure that so muh as changed since the last time I was there so I'm looking forward to the girls showing me around! I need to start making arrangements. Other than the jet lag the girls are doing great. I'm so jealous that they get to see each other and hang out all the time and I'm stuck here. That's always been very hard for me, but hopefully I'll be joining them soon! :)

Well I'm going to leave it hear because it's cuddle time with Yuta...something that I will never take for granted. Excuse any typos in this entry since I'm writing it from my phone which is really weird! Lol! Stay blessed and happy!

~Sierra

Are You...Annoyed?

I've been on the edge today, and I pretty much know why. It's a girl thing that happens every month...the dreaded PMS...yes, all us girls get it, but it hits some of us harder than others. With me, it gets horrible, and I know that I'm being a complete and total bitch but it's like....out of my control. Today, I snapped at co-workers, my boss, my brothers, my mom, yuta's mom, yuta's dad and lastly...Yuta...which is why he's not here right now. He decided that he'd be safer at his parents house. I feel really bad about that because he'll only be here for 3 more days and I need all the time I can get. Call me selfish, but he's the one person that I didn't want to leave. I wanted him to stay here and deal with my attitude.

He did do something really nice before he left though. He turned the radio on in the bathroom, ran my bath water, cooked dinner and left some chocolate on my bed. <3 Sweetest thing...ever and it made me feel so bad for yelling at him this morning when he really didn't do anything wrong. I sent him a text and told him that I wanted him to come back but I don't know if he will. Everything just sucks right now.

Oh, and to add to everything...2 of my ex boyfriends have decided to become friends on facebook. Shit pissed me off, and I know that they are doing it on purpose to piss me off. It's childish and pathetic. I'll try not to let it bother me, because what are they really going to talk about? How they both cheated on me? How they both abused me emotionally? How 1 of them abused me physically? Two scum bags being friends...I guess that's just the way the world works huh?

I won't be able to update for a couple days because a big winter storm is coming so I'll be taking refuge at my parents house. I'm going to try and get rid of some of this annoyance now. I'll keep you updated.

~Sierra

Are You...Living Life Happily? Part 3

I'm finally writing it...Part 3...this comes a day after Emi, Kat, Miya and Ka have gone back to Japan, but i'll get to that later in Part 4 or 5. I think that there is so much to write, and i'm kind of losing the order on when we did things, because we did SO much! So if I repeat anything...forgive me. lol

We went ice skating Friday 12/30 , which was a fun time, even if I don't really know how to ice skate. lol. I managed not to fall so that was a good thing. Yuta on the other hand ended up falling and taking everyone down with him. LOL I was so happy that I wasn't in his group. There is this place downtown where they make an artificial skating rink and that place at night is absolutely beautiful. They have lights on the trees and there is just this calming whimsical feeling about the environment that surrounds you. There is so really good food there and the people are all really friendly. During this trip i wanted to do things that I normally don't get a chance to do. You know, live it up to the fullest. It was a little difficult because of my toes, but i was able to skate a lot before it started to get uncomfortable. This was only the second year that I've done this, but I don't think that it will be my last.

this is what I call Winter-ready Yuta. I love his hat!

 We were looking for interesting ways to spend the last few days of 2011, ice skating was one and the other one was...we went on a dinner cruise on the Detroit Princess. It's a boat the cruises along the Detroit River. It was a lot colder than we anticipated it to be, but that didn't stop us from having fun. The food could have been a little better and since it was one of the last days of me being able to eat anything I want, I was a little disappointed, but it's okay because dessert after the cruise more than made up for it. LOL...It turned out to be super romantic for Miyako and Kaito though so I guess that's a good thing that came out of it. We all just left them alone and did our own thing.

New Years Eve was interesting, because we didn't do much at all. Everyone wanted to go out to a party but since I had spent so much of the last few days of the year finishing the year-end charts for work so I was kind of exhausted. My boss would have been pissed if he let me work from home and I didn't finish. He'd probably never let me do it again. lol. So we spent New Years Eve at my house with a few drinks, watching movies and playing Catch Phrase. This is the first NYE that I haven't been out doing something. I can't say that it was a bad thing because I actually had fun just chilling with the ones that I love. I think that as you get older, things start to fall into perspective and sometimes things don't end up the way that you think they should. You might one day find that staying in is just as fun as going out. Being surrounded by people isn't life anymore. Sometimes being with a few close friends could be just as great...if not a little greater. <3

The first day of the new year was spent with us meeting my parents and yu's parents for brunch, well it was supposed to be brunch but it turned out to be lunch because for maybe the second time in my life, our parents were super late, and I think it has something to do with them drinking the night before. It was hilarious because we were doing a face-time chat on our phones and yu's mom is like holding her drink and saying "you want some? huh? huh?" and she was tipping her drink towards the phone. I don't know how many drinks she had before then, but my oneesan is a light weight when it comes to drinking. lol. Anyway, so we had lunch and it was really nice to spend some time with the adults because we've been feeling like we were neglecting them, because we have been spending so much time hanging out with each other. They didn't really mind too much because like my mom said it allowed them to have time to do things that mature adults do, like go to wine tasting's and things like that. I'm glad that they got some time away from us crazy people. lol
We of course had the traditional new year's dinner which is always chicken, broccoli and black-eyed peas. Each dish represents something positive for the New Year.

As I've been rambling along and I doubt anyone cares about all of this, I decided that these entries are something that I need to write out, because I always want to read back on them and remember the times where I was truly happy. I hope that anyone who is reading this is happy as well. Until next time which will probably be in a couple hours....stay happy!

~Sierra

Are You...Content?

I'm so content right now. I'm content with everything that is happening in my life and I'm so very thankful for the people around me. They got me out of a really rough spot. Before they came here I don't think anyone knew how bad my depression had gotten. I was literally on the verge of giving up, and that's a scary feeling. I don't think anyone noticed how alone I was...How alone I felt. If they did notice...they didn't care that much. I realize now that me wanting to give up was a selfish thought. How many people would I hurt? I couldn't do that to the people who sincerely love me...flaws and all. I'm just so thankful that they see something in me that at times I don't see in myself. I've laughed until I cried, I've danced, I've smiled, I've loved, I've discovered, I....took a breath. It has been months since I've laughed a sincere laugh...danced like no one was watching, smiled a genuine smile, loved wholly, unconditionally and completely, discovered the meaning and reasons behind what makes me...me and took a breath that didn't hurt to the core.

How do you pay people back for that? What would the price be for this kind of contentment? I don't know, but what I do know is that I will never ever disappoint the people who value my life, my heart, my soul. I will spend forever and a day trying to pay them back for something as valuable as they have given me....my life. I don't know what I did to deserve the kind of love that I receive from them, but i'm grateful for it and it gives me a reason to keep going, no matter how tired I am, no matter how dark my days can get, no matter how much it burns to breathe sometimes. Those are things that I can never repay in full, but I'm going to try my hardest. I don't know how things will be when they leave, but I owe it to them to continue to be the way I am now....contented.

I hope that everyone finds the contentment that I've found. I hope that everyone can experience love like I know it. We all deserve it. Be happy. It's not a crime. I want anyone who is reading this that is going through a hard time to know that, it doesn't end here. Just keep breathing. No matter how much each breath rips you apart, no matter how much it burns, no matter how hard it is. Breathe through it, because I guarantee you that while the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't look bright right now, you'll definitely reach it, and you'll be grateful that you had the strength and the courage to fight.

I'll leave you with a quote that means a lot to me:

"Which way will you choose? The one to the left with nothing right or the one to the right with nothing left?" 

Think about that, and leave a comment or tweet me @KireiSie  and tell me what you would do.

Be safe, be happy, be blessed.

~Sierra

Are You...Laughing?

First day of the New Year is complete! It started off late, because we couldn't wake up! LOL...Everyone crashed in my room last night. Emi, Kat, Miya and Kai were worried about some of their family members back in Japan because of the earthquake, so I wanted to make them as comfortable as possible until they reached their relatives. I was so glad that they were all able to reach their loved ones back home and that everyone was okay. The many earthquakes that happen in Japan yearly is a cause of great stress to their people, and it makes me worried a lot as well, because....my heart is over there. These are things that I have to think about along my decision to move there for 6 months this year. There has been some talks of Yuta and his parents moving back here, I don't know if it is going to be a forever thing or if they are only going to stay for a couple years. Either option would be fine with me. I just miss having them around...so much. Emiko is thinking about enrolling in design school here, but she won't be staying in Michigan she'll be going to school in New York. It would still be nice to have her close to me. New York is way closer than Japan, lol.

Anyway...what made my day so funny was....my ex boyfriend called. He picks the first day of 2012 to call and apologize for any and everything he has ever done wrong. I laughed, because none of that matters to me right now. I've forgiven him a long time ago...never will forget, but I can forgive. The fact that he is still tormenting himself over something that happened years ago is hilarious to me. I won't take responsibility for the pain that he is causing himself. Karma is a bigger bitch than I ever will be. I don't want to be a part of his New Years resolution. It's time to move on from those things and focus on what's here and now, and right now...these moments are so precious to me...I'm not going to let anything ruin that for me!

I hope you had a great start to 2012 and I hope that it continues for you! Next post should be tomorrow!

Love, Peace and all that jazz,

Sierra~

Are You...Saying "Happy New Year"?

First blog post of 2012! Woot! I hope whoever is reading this has a Happy New Year and I hope 2012 brings light, love and joy into your life! That is what i'm claiming for myself! This year MUST be better than last year. If you throw out positive, you'll get positive in return!  I'm grateful for my family and friends for pulling me through this year and not allowing me to give up...no matter how much I wanted too. I don't live my life for me, I live my life for the people that I love, because in a sense, I value them more than I value myself. Thank you for making me believe that I deserve to be happy and that i'm loved!

Mommy #1: Thanks for being the coolest mom around. We share so much of the same things in common and I'm truly blessed that I was brought into this world as your daughter! Thanks for only wanting the best for me and helping me in my search for happiness!

Mommy #2: Although I was not born as your daughter, you are so very important to me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving birth to the one friend who gets me like no one else does. The one friend that I know would never leave me. Yuta is a lucky guy...lucky that he has such a strong mother! I love you! Thanks for always telling me how it is...even when I don't want to hear it.

Daddy #1: I love you! There is  no one else like you! Thank you for being so supportive in everything that I do. You have never once told me my dreams were too big or too small. Anything I wanted to do you were always right behind me and ready to catch me if i fell. Thank you so much for that. There is no amount of money in the world to repay you for being such a strong backbone and support to me. Remember...I'll always make you proud!

Daddy #2: The funniest man I know. The most caring human being there is....that is how I would describe you. I know that you are always just one phone call away when I need to talk to you. I miss how it used to be when you were here all the time, but I know that you do what you can and I love you for it. Thank you for taking the time, money and energy to care for me like you do, because I know that you don't have too. You mean so very much to me, and I hope you never forget that.

Brother #1: There isn't much to say other than...thanks for being my brother. Although we might not always get along, I know that you are just doing what little brothers do....getting on my nerves! I love you and I know that if I ever needed anything you'd never hesitate to help! Love you!

Brother #2: My baby bro! We get along just fine right now, and I hope that it can always stay that way. I love you and you know that I'll always be here for you no matter what happens!

Yuta...my bestest! : Yuta..Yuta..Yuta..what can I say that I haven't already told you. You know just what you mean to me so i'm not going to lay it out on here. Just know that the decision that I made recently is turning out to be the best thing i've ever done in my whole life. Thank you and I love you MORE THAN ALL THE WORDS IN ALL THE BOOKS! (LOL)

Miya, Kat, Emi: You girls are my strength! Each of you bring a different kind of strength into my life, and if one of you were missing, I surely would not survive. I wish we lived closer! I didn't know that I could have friends that completed me as much as you girls do. 2012 means new things for us and I'm excited to see what Japan has to offer! I'll see you girls soon. Thanks for coming and making my house feel like a home! Love you!

That is all for now....I still need to make another post with the pictures from the last 2 weekends, but since this is dedicated to friends, family and the new year, I'll save that post for next time!  I love you all, and here's to an amazing New Year for ALL of us!

Sierra~