Insecure....

"Insecurity is an ugly thing, it makes you hate people you don't even know." -unknown





Sigh....it feels like it's ending before it really gets started. I had a 2 hour conversation with CJ yesterday about his worries. He's freaked out and worried about Yuta's visit on Thursday. I wish my aunt never told him about how Yuta and I interact, because now he's being insecure. He's saying negative comments about Yuta and has never met him. I know that it's just the insecurity talking but it's not right. I really don't know what to tell him that would make him feel better, but I'm kind of feeling like it's not my job to coddle him and treat him like a child. We are all adults. I should not have to act weird around someone I've known for almost 20 years, just because you aren't secure. Yuta doesn't know about any of this, and now I'm worried about how his visit will turn out. Yuta has always gotten along with the guys I've dated, but somehow I feel like that won't be the case this time. The worst things you can be around Yuta is insecure and jealous. He smells it and feeds on it and it never turns out well. Hopefully it all turns out okay and I don't end up in between a fight, caused by silly insecurities....

Are You...Annoyed?

I've been on the edge today, and I pretty much know why. It's a girl thing that happens every month...the dreaded PMS...yes, all us girls get it, but it hits some of us harder than others. With me, it gets horrible, and I know that I'm being a complete and total bitch but it's like....out of my control. Today, I snapped at co-workers, my boss, my brothers, my mom, yuta's mom, yuta's dad and lastly...Yuta...which is why he's not here right now. He decided that he'd be safer at his parents house. I feel really bad about that because he'll only be here for 3 more days and I need all the time I can get. Call me selfish, but he's the one person that I didn't want to leave. I wanted him to stay here and deal with my attitude.

He did do something really nice before he left though. He turned the radio on in the bathroom, ran my bath water, cooked dinner and left some chocolate on my bed. <3 Sweetest thing...ever and it made me feel so bad for yelling at him this morning when he really didn't do anything wrong. I sent him a text and told him that I wanted him to come back but I don't know if he will. Everything just sucks right now.

Oh, and to add to everything...2 of my ex boyfriends have decided to become friends on facebook. Shit pissed me off, and I know that they are doing it on purpose to piss me off. It's childish and pathetic. I'll try not to let it bother me, because what are they really going to talk about? How they both cheated on me? How they both abused me emotionally? How 1 of them abused me physically? Two scum bags being friends...I guess that's just the way the world works huh?

I won't be able to update for a couple days because a big winter storm is coming so I'll be taking refuge at my parents house. I'm going to try and get rid of some of this annoyance now. I'll keep you updated.

~Sierra