Are You..Looking New?

Woot! New look for the blog, well, not entirely new! ^^ Same content, same background, but the layout has been re-done, the font changed and the color changed. I didn't think that the purple matched the mood of the blog, so I settled on a color and font that I think is easier to read. What do you think? ^^ Anyway, that's all for now. I'm going to do some work on my fashion blog. Check it out when you get a chance. ^^


P.S. There might be a title change for this blog in the near future. Look forward to it. ^^




Bye!
~Sierra

Are You...Feeling Lighter?

So I've been on this quest since after the holidays to lose the weight that I gained due to Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I've been doing really good. I've actually lost more than what I gained over the holidays, and I'm going to see how much further I can go. In 27 days I lost 5kg (11 lbs), it feels good. I haven't put on my pointe shoes in awhile since my broken toes were healing, so I know that the minute I start practicing next month, it's going to hurt. It's a pain trying to recondition your feet to work how you want them to! LOL....According to my doctor a safe weight for me based on my height would be between 105 lbs(47kg) and 110 lbs (49kg). Now, I don't know if I'll ever get there, because I've never been that thin. The least that I've ever weighed was 130 lbs (59kg) which looked good based on my figure. I don't want to be stick skinny thin, because I'll probably look sick, and plus when you lose all that weight it starts to look unnatural. I like having a little bit of shape. lol. Well,  that's about it for my happy post! I'm feeling good today and hopefully that lasts throughout the week. I'm feeling lighter already!

Until Next Time,
Sierra~

Are You...Alone?

Hmmm...interesting question. Yuta's mom asked me this when I talked to her today. I wasn't expecting her call because we usually talk on Saturday's. It was a pleasant surprise...it's always nice to hear her voice. She said that she had a dream about me and she was calling to make sure I was okay. How does she see through me from thousands of miles away? lol...I told her that i've been okay, and I think that, that was an honest answer. I really feel like i've been okay. Everyone has their days, but i don't think that, that makes things all bad. She did manage to pull out some of the insecurities that i've been feeling lately, and that's when she simply said "Sie, are you alone?" I didn't understand at first, so she explained..."You are determined to fight battles as if you are alone in the World...why? You have wonderful parents, all 4 of us...amazing brothers...and amazing friends, and while we all might not be there in the physical sense...you don't ever stop receiving our love and prayers. Stop living and fighting as if you have no one in your corner. I worry about you, we all worry about you. Knowing what you've been through and what you're still going through makes us worry a lot. So why do you think you are alone in this?"


I was speechless...I knew that I was guilty of doing this, but the fact of the matter is that I can't help it. Your parents and friends are supposed to be the people that you can lean on no matter what. I know I'm not alone in any of this, but I feel like I am. I want nothing more than to go back and be how I used to be, and I do feel myself getting closer to that person everyday. I just need everyone to hang on for a little bit longer. Let me get it all together. Let me figure it all out. Let me scream. Let me cry. Let me heal, and don't give up on me. I'm done being selfish, it's time for me to grow...it's time...

Are You...Ready?

Well, it's been a couple days since I've updated. Nothing new is really going on. It's the same thing everyday. Maybe that is the problem. I really need to add some spice to my life...even if it's just a little bit. I'm feeling really good physically lately, and I owe that all to me working out more and paying attention to my body more. Out with the old and in with the new...eh? I'm living and I'm learning and I'm becoming more of the person that I dream of being. I know that I have a long way to go, but if I work on it a little bit at a time...one step at a time...I know that I can achieve everything that I want. I don't want anything outrageous. I just want to live simply...I want all the simple things in life. Just being happy and healthy...what more could I ask for? What more should anyone ask for? Too often people get caught up on the material things in life, and they kind of ignore the necessities in life. I strive not to do this. It's nice having money, it's nice having nice clothes and shoes, but it's nicer being happy and healthy. I'm not saying that I don't have nice things, because I do. I also work very hard to provide those things for myself. There is nothing that I value more right now than my independence. Here I am at 26, with a stable job, 2 cars, a house and 2 dogs...and I'm doing it all on my own. Every now and then I have to stop and say "I'm proud of me". I'm proud that I can maintain this stable lifestyle. I'm proud that I can stand on my own two feet without asking for help. It might not always be easy, but I can do it. In being proud of myself, I know that I'm making everyone around me proud as well. It's such a great feeling.

I've been thinking about my friends a lot lately and some of the memories I have aren't great, but I realized that the good memories out weigh the bad. Every relationship goes through ups and downs, and it's our responsibility to figure out if the people that we surround ourselves with provide a healthy environment for us. If you have a friendship that is unhealthy then it is time to let that friend go...no matter how much it hurts. Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships aren't the only relationships that can end in a break-up. I have had friends that have been like leaves on a tree...they are around for the sunny times and when it starts to darken and the wind blows...they blow away. I'm happy to say that I have more friends that are like the roots of a tree. They don't waver and I know that they'll always be there. Those are the the people that you want to keep in your life.

I've been missing my friends so much lately, skype and phone conversations just don't seem to be enough right now. I want to see cherry blossoms this year, so i'm preparing a trip to Japan. I hope everything works out for me and I'll be able to go. I really, really, really, really miss Yuta. Words can not describe how much I miss him. How many times I think about him in a day...how much my heart hurts when he isn't around. I talk to him every day...several times a day, but I want him here. I need him here. Someone who can calm me down, someone warm, someone safe...that's what he is for me....okay i'm going to leave it here, because now i'm getting emotional. LOL....I'll leave you with a pretty song that Yuta is currently singing to me as I type this....have a good day/night and may you be happy....whoever you are <3

That's the short version...bit it really is such a sweet song. <3

Are You...Getting Enough Sleep?

I work full-time 40-50 hours a week. My work day starts with me waking up to get ready about 5am. Over the past few months I've been going to bed between 12am and 1am. I'd wake up completely exhausted and go through my day in a fog. I'd have an attitude, i'd snap at people for no reason. I finally realized that I needed to start changing the way I take care of myself. Which was part of my promise to Kat and Miya. I've been going to bed between 9pm and 9:30pm. I wake up before my alarm goes off, exercise, make a cup of tea and watch the news. I never had time to do that before. I would wake up with just enough time to shower, throw my clothes on, run a brush through my hair and run out of the house. Now that I'm more rested in the morning, I have time to wake up gradually and take some "me time" it feels great. I've been in a better mood, and although I have some times during the day where I get sad, for the most part I think that I'm handling things really well. Taking care of your health is something that is very important. I hope that anyone who is reading this, is getting enough sleep and leading a healthy life.


Until next time~
Sierra~

Are You...Trying?

This has been a weird week for me so far...I haven't felt this alone in awhile,but I can't say that it's unexpected. Everyone has left so in my house it's just me and the puppies. They provide some comfort but not enough. The friends that i have here in the States are doing their own thing which is to be expected, because they have babies to take care of. We hang out when we can and I appreciate the time that we do have. Recently I've been trying like crazy to keep myself busy almost to the point of exhaustion, but that's the only way I know. When I'm busy like this I don't think as much and I don't feel as much. It's the idle times that are the scariest. I've been signing myself up for more workshops at work...taking the dogs on longer walks and I have even started doing Zumba classes after work. I've lost 10lbs in about 16 days. It happened faster than I thought it would a actually. I'm almost back to my comfort "dance" zone but I think I'm going to keep going just to see how far I can go with this. I'm really excited about the prospects and I'll keep updating here with my progress. Well I guess I better get back to work!

Until next time~
Sierra

Are You...Taking it for Granted?

As I lay here and write this,I can't help but think about things in my life that I might have taken for granted. I think that at one point I took real and true friendship for grated. I did know how to value it because over the years I've encountered some friends that weren't really friends at all. Some people say that once you reach a certain age you don't look to your friends as much as you did when you were younger. I used to think like that until I realized that I look to my friends. Ow more than ever and I'm disappointed in myself for not appreciating them the way that I should. I think I've made up for it and if I haven't...I'll make sure that I do.

Today was Yuta's last day here and I've been surprisingly calm about it. I don't know if it has something to do with the fact that I'm supposed to be spending 6 months in Japan soon or if the reality that he is leaving going to hit me on the drive to the airport. As I write this on my phone with him laying next to me, I can truly say that I am blessed and highly favored. He's been extra sweet to me but cautious because he's waiting on my impending breakdown...I'm sure. Lol...I'm going to try and be strong this time around and prove everyone wrong! :)

I talked to Emiko and Katsumi yesterday and unfortunately they are still suffering from jet lag. That is the one thing I'm not looking forward to. I already have horrible insomnia so to have jet lag on top of that would probably kill me. I really can't wait to go and visit. I'm sure that so muh as changed since the last time I was there so I'm looking forward to the girls showing me around! I need to start making arrangements. Other than the jet lag the girls are doing great. I'm so jealous that they get to see each other and hang out all the time and I'm stuck here. That's always been very hard for me, but hopefully I'll be joining them soon! :)

Well I'm going to leave it hear because it's cuddle time with Yuta...something that I will never take for granted. Excuse any typos in this entry since I'm writing it from my phone which is really weird! Lol! Stay blessed and happy!

~Sierra

Are You...Annoyed?

I've been on the edge today, and I pretty much know why. It's a girl thing that happens every month...the dreaded PMS...yes, all us girls get it, but it hits some of us harder than others. With me, it gets horrible, and I know that I'm being a complete and total bitch but it's like....out of my control. Today, I snapped at co-workers, my boss, my brothers, my mom, yuta's mom, yuta's dad and lastly...Yuta...which is why he's not here right now. He decided that he'd be safer at his parents house. I feel really bad about that because he'll only be here for 3 more days and I need all the time I can get. Call me selfish, but he's the one person that I didn't want to leave. I wanted him to stay here and deal with my attitude.

He did do something really nice before he left though. He turned the radio on in the bathroom, ran my bath water, cooked dinner and left some chocolate on my bed. <3 Sweetest thing...ever and it made me feel so bad for yelling at him this morning when he really didn't do anything wrong. I sent him a text and told him that I wanted him to come back but I don't know if he will. Everything just sucks right now.

Oh, and to add to everything...2 of my ex boyfriends have decided to become friends on facebook. Shit pissed me off, and I know that they are doing it on purpose to piss me off. It's childish and pathetic. I'll try not to let it bother me, because what are they really going to talk about? How they both cheated on me? How they both abused me emotionally? How 1 of them abused me physically? Two scum bags being friends...I guess that's just the way the world works huh?

I won't be able to update for a couple days because a big winter storm is coming so I'll be taking refuge at my parents house. I'm going to try and get rid of some of this annoyance now. I'll keep you updated.

~Sierra

Are You...Living Life Happily? Part 3

I'm finally writing it...Part 3...this comes a day after Emi, Kat, Miya and Ka have gone back to Japan, but i'll get to that later in Part 4 or 5. I think that there is so much to write, and i'm kind of losing the order on when we did things, because we did SO much! So if I repeat anything...forgive me. lol

We went ice skating Friday 12/30 , which was a fun time, even if I don't really know how to ice skate. lol. I managed not to fall so that was a good thing. Yuta on the other hand ended up falling and taking everyone down with him. LOL I was so happy that I wasn't in his group. There is this place downtown where they make an artificial skating rink and that place at night is absolutely beautiful. They have lights on the trees and there is just this calming whimsical feeling about the environment that surrounds you. There is so really good food there and the people are all really friendly. During this trip i wanted to do things that I normally don't get a chance to do. You know, live it up to the fullest. It was a little difficult because of my toes, but i was able to skate a lot before it started to get uncomfortable. This was only the second year that I've done this, but I don't think that it will be my last.

this is what I call Winter-ready Yuta. I love his hat!

 We were looking for interesting ways to spend the last few days of 2011, ice skating was one and the other one was...we went on a dinner cruise on the Detroit Princess. It's a boat the cruises along the Detroit River. It was a lot colder than we anticipated it to be, but that didn't stop us from having fun. The food could have been a little better and since it was one of the last days of me being able to eat anything I want, I was a little disappointed, but it's okay because dessert after the cruise more than made up for it. LOL...It turned out to be super romantic for Miyako and Kaito though so I guess that's a good thing that came out of it. We all just left them alone and did our own thing.

New Years Eve was interesting, because we didn't do much at all. Everyone wanted to go out to a party but since I had spent so much of the last few days of the year finishing the year-end charts for work so I was kind of exhausted. My boss would have been pissed if he let me work from home and I didn't finish. He'd probably never let me do it again. lol. So we spent New Years Eve at my house with a few drinks, watching movies and playing Catch Phrase. This is the first NYE that I haven't been out doing something. I can't say that it was a bad thing because I actually had fun just chilling with the ones that I love. I think that as you get older, things start to fall into perspective and sometimes things don't end up the way that you think they should. You might one day find that staying in is just as fun as going out. Being surrounded by people isn't life anymore. Sometimes being with a few close friends could be just as great...if not a little greater. <3

The first day of the new year was spent with us meeting my parents and yu's parents for brunch, well it was supposed to be brunch but it turned out to be lunch because for maybe the second time in my life, our parents were super late, and I think it has something to do with them drinking the night before. It was hilarious because we were doing a face-time chat on our phones and yu's mom is like holding her drink and saying "you want some? huh? huh?" and she was tipping her drink towards the phone. I don't know how many drinks she had before then, but my oneesan is a light weight when it comes to drinking. lol. Anyway, so we had lunch and it was really nice to spend some time with the adults because we've been feeling like we were neglecting them, because we have been spending so much time hanging out with each other. They didn't really mind too much because like my mom said it allowed them to have time to do things that mature adults do, like go to wine tasting's and things like that. I'm glad that they got some time away from us crazy people. lol
We of course had the traditional new year's dinner which is always chicken, broccoli and black-eyed peas. Each dish represents something positive for the New Year.

As I've been rambling along and I doubt anyone cares about all of this, I decided that these entries are something that I need to write out, because I always want to read back on them and remember the times where I was truly happy. I hope that anyone who is reading this is happy as well. Until next time which will probably be in a couple hours....stay happy!

~Sierra

Are You...Content?

I'm so content right now. I'm content with everything that is happening in my life and I'm so very thankful for the people around me. They got me out of a really rough spot. Before they came here I don't think anyone knew how bad my depression had gotten. I was literally on the verge of giving up, and that's a scary feeling. I don't think anyone noticed how alone I was...How alone I felt. If they did notice...they didn't care that much. I realize now that me wanting to give up was a selfish thought. How many people would I hurt? I couldn't do that to the people who sincerely love me...flaws and all. I'm just so thankful that they see something in me that at times I don't see in myself. I've laughed until I cried, I've danced, I've smiled, I've loved, I've discovered, I....took a breath. It has been months since I've laughed a sincere laugh...danced like no one was watching, smiled a genuine smile, loved wholly, unconditionally and completely, discovered the meaning and reasons behind what makes me...me and took a breath that didn't hurt to the core.

How do you pay people back for that? What would the price be for this kind of contentment? I don't know, but what I do know is that I will never ever disappoint the people who value my life, my heart, my soul. I will spend forever and a day trying to pay them back for something as valuable as they have given me....my life. I don't know what I did to deserve the kind of love that I receive from them, but i'm grateful for it and it gives me a reason to keep going, no matter how tired I am, no matter how dark my days can get, no matter how much it burns to breathe sometimes. Those are things that I can never repay in full, but I'm going to try my hardest. I don't know how things will be when they leave, but I owe it to them to continue to be the way I am now....contented.

I hope that everyone finds the contentment that I've found. I hope that everyone can experience love like I know it. We all deserve it. Be happy. It's not a crime. I want anyone who is reading this that is going through a hard time to know that, it doesn't end here. Just keep breathing. No matter how much each breath rips you apart, no matter how much it burns, no matter how hard it is. Breathe through it, because I guarantee you that while the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't look bright right now, you'll definitely reach it, and you'll be grateful that you had the strength and the courage to fight.

I'll leave you with a quote that means a lot to me:

"Which way will you choose? The one to the left with nothing right or the one to the right with nothing left?" 

Think about that, and leave a comment or tweet me @KireiSie  and tell me what you would do.

Be safe, be happy, be blessed.

~Sierra

Are You...Laughing?

First day of the New Year is complete! It started off late, because we couldn't wake up! LOL...Everyone crashed in my room last night. Emi, Kat, Miya and Kai were worried about some of their family members back in Japan because of the earthquake, so I wanted to make them as comfortable as possible until they reached their relatives. I was so glad that they were all able to reach their loved ones back home and that everyone was okay. The many earthquakes that happen in Japan yearly is a cause of great stress to their people, and it makes me worried a lot as well, because....my heart is over there. These are things that I have to think about along my decision to move there for 6 months this year. There has been some talks of Yuta and his parents moving back here, I don't know if it is going to be a forever thing or if they are only going to stay for a couple years. Either option would be fine with me. I just miss having them around...so much. Emiko is thinking about enrolling in design school here, but she won't be staying in Michigan she'll be going to school in New York. It would still be nice to have her close to me. New York is way closer than Japan, lol.

Anyway...what made my day so funny was....my ex boyfriend called. He picks the first day of 2012 to call and apologize for any and everything he has ever done wrong. I laughed, because none of that matters to me right now. I've forgiven him a long time ago...never will forget, but I can forgive. The fact that he is still tormenting himself over something that happened years ago is hilarious to me. I won't take responsibility for the pain that he is causing himself. Karma is a bigger bitch than I ever will be. I don't want to be a part of his New Years resolution. It's time to move on from those things and focus on what's here and now, and right now...these moments are so precious to me...I'm not going to let anything ruin that for me!

I hope you had a great start to 2012 and I hope that it continues for you! Next post should be tomorrow!

Love, Peace and all that jazz,

Sierra~

Are You...Saying "Happy New Year"?

First blog post of 2012! Woot! I hope whoever is reading this has a Happy New Year and I hope 2012 brings light, love and joy into your life! That is what i'm claiming for myself! This year MUST be better than last year. If you throw out positive, you'll get positive in return!  I'm grateful for my family and friends for pulling me through this year and not allowing me to give up...no matter how much I wanted too. I don't live my life for me, I live my life for the people that I love, because in a sense, I value them more than I value myself. Thank you for making me believe that I deserve to be happy and that i'm loved!

Mommy #1: Thanks for being the coolest mom around. We share so much of the same things in common and I'm truly blessed that I was brought into this world as your daughter! Thanks for only wanting the best for me and helping me in my search for happiness!

Mommy #2: Although I was not born as your daughter, you are so very important to me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving birth to the one friend who gets me like no one else does. The one friend that I know would never leave me. Yuta is a lucky guy...lucky that he has such a strong mother! I love you! Thanks for always telling me how it is...even when I don't want to hear it.

Daddy #1: I love you! There is  no one else like you! Thank you for being so supportive in everything that I do. You have never once told me my dreams were too big or too small. Anything I wanted to do you were always right behind me and ready to catch me if i fell. Thank you so much for that. There is no amount of money in the world to repay you for being such a strong backbone and support to me. Remember...I'll always make you proud!

Daddy #2: The funniest man I know. The most caring human being there is....that is how I would describe you. I know that you are always just one phone call away when I need to talk to you. I miss how it used to be when you were here all the time, but I know that you do what you can and I love you for it. Thank you for taking the time, money and energy to care for me like you do, because I know that you don't have too. You mean so very much to me, and I hope you never forget that.

Brother #1: There isn't much to say other than...thanks for being my brother. Although we might not always get along, I know that you are just doing what little brothers do....getting on my nerves! I love you and I know that if I ever needed anything you'd never hesitate to help! Love you!

Brother #2: My baby bro! We get along just fine right now, and I hope that it can always stay that way. I love you and you know that I'll always be here for you no matter what happens!

Yuta...my bestest! : Yuta..Yuta..Yuta..what can I say that I haven't already told you. You know just what you mean to me so i'm not going to lay it out on here. Just know that the decision that I made recently is turning out to be the best thing i've ever done in my whole life. Thank you and I love you MORE THAN ALL THE WORDS IN ALL THE BOOKS! (LOL)

Miya, Kat, Emi: You girls are my strength! Each of you bring a different kind of strength into my life, and if one of you were missing, I surely would not survive. I wish we lived closer! I didn't know that I could have friends that completed me as much as you girls do. 2012 means new things for us and I'm excited to see what Japan has to offer! I'll see you girls soon. Thanks for coming and making my house feel like a home! Love you!

That is all for now....I still need to make another post with the pictures from the last 2 weekends, but since this is dedicated to friends, family and the new year, I'll save that post for next time!  I love you all, and here's to an amazing New Year for ALL of us!

Sierra~

Are You...Living Life Happily? Part 2

Here is part 2 of the post that I promised to deliver a week or so ago. Things have been quite amazing. This visit from friends is unlike any visit before. Don't get me wrong....I love when it's just Yuta here, but having my girls here makes the experience that much greater. It's nice to have girl talks and watch romantic chick flicks and just be...a girl! I can't do all the girly things that I enjoy doing with Yuta so it's been an amazing experienced having my girls visit this time around! So....I can't quite remember where I left off so if I repeat anything...forgive me. LOL
We've been hanging out a lot...so much in fact that I believe it to be unhealthy! LOL...I actually got sick a couple days ago, but it didn't last too long. It's nice having people around to take care of you when you get sick!

Sweet Friends. Love them so much!

When I fell asleep I woke up with a fever so Yuta told me that I had to stay in bed all day. I didn't really mind it so much because he was there so I napped off and on all day. During my last nap, I woke up and I noticed that everyone was gone and on the pillow beside me was a note and some chocolate goodies. The note basically said that they went to go get food and they hoped that I feel better and Kat even made me tea that she put on my bedside table. It is the sweetest thing that anyone could do for me. They are always making sure that I'm comfortable and taken care of and I love and appreciate them so much for that. Oh, the note also said that Emiko wasn't going to drive so I shouldn't worry. LOL...there is a funny story behind that. In the next paragraph. We also went to a karaoke bar and had some fun singing and dancing with some of Yuta's family that is still here. His uncle and auntie are the cutest couple...besides Yuta's parent who are THE cutest I have ever seen...they have the kind of love that I aspire to have. 

So f'n cute!!!! <3

Okay, now...funny story about Emiko. So the other day we went out and I haven't been doing much driving because of my toes, so I've been letting everyone drive my car besides Kaito and Miyuki, because they don't really now the streets since it's their first visit here. It turned out to be Emiko's turn to drive, so we were on the expressway and everything seemed to be going smooth. We exited the expressway to go to the gas station and things went terribly wrong! This girl turned the wrong way down a one way street. People were blowing their horns and yelling out of their cars and Emi was freaking out and shaking. When she finally composed herself and we pull in the gas station she hit the barrier by the gas pump because she was going to fast. Needless to say...her driving privileges have been revoked! If I'm not driving then Yuta or Kat are the only one's allowed to drive. Emi isn't a bad driver, she is just used to driving on different kinds of roads. I forgive her for almost killing us. LOL

Yuta and Kaito <3

We baked some Christmas cookies yesterday, which was a fun time. Nothing like a bunch of silly people playing with baking flour and sugar. LOL. We made a total mess of the kitchen, but it was so much fun! I think that I've gained about 20lbshe last few months in t...no lie! It's really bothering me because in order for me to do the things that I need to do, I have to maintain a certain weight. I was never skinny, skinny to begin with, but I have what I call a "dance weight" where my weight can not exceed a certain number, because it becomes harder for me to do the ballet moves that I need to teach. If I gain as little as 2 lbs I can feel it on my toes when I try to do en pointe. So imagine gaining 20lbs...it needs to disappear. I can only blame myself because I took a term off of dance and that is a dangerous thing to do. I'm not getting adequate exercise and  I'm eating and drinking WAY too much. I'll be back on track after the New Year so no worries. It's just going to be hard to get toned again. LOL. My mom looked at me and she said "you've gained weight huh?" lol...thanks mom for pointing out the obvious. Yuta says that I'm still beautiful, but he has to say that and he's a total gentleman and sweetheart so he would never call me fat. lol...but standing next to Miya and Kat who are both 100lbs...makes you feel insecure sometimes. lol. 

Chocolate covered Oreos and the reason I'm gaining weight! LOL

There is a ton of other things that I want to say, but I think that I'll leave it here for now. I'll be making a part 3 either sometime this weekend or before the next. There will be some more post sprinkled in before though. These will always be my longer posts. 

Well, it's time to get back to the family and enjoy the time that I have left with them. I hope anyone that is reading this, is enjoying time with their friends and family and being as blessed as they possibly can be! Stay healthy, Stay happy, Stay wonderfully unique! Have a safe and happy Christmas!  

Lots of Love, Hugs and Kisses, 

Sierra~

Are You...Keeping Secrets?

I am....well, it's not really a secret. Emi, Kat, Miya and the other person involved knows what it is, but...how should I put this....we're keeping a secret from our parents. It's not a bad secret but we don't want to disappoint them so we thought that it would be better this way. I'm being vague for a reason....I'm not ready to write the words out completely. So i'll dance around and get as close to what i'm trying to say as possible. I have some new responsibilities and so does the other person. We are going to try our best. That is the one thing about us...we are very determined and stubborn. If we say that we are going to do something to the end, then we try our best to fulfill that promise. The other person also has some new responsibilities, but i'm almost certain that this person will completely surpass my expectations because this person already does such a great job. I thought that I would feel a bigger change in the atmosphere or something, but actually everything feels oddly....normal. It's kind of scary and it makes me wonder how it must have looked before this. LOL....anyway, I'm going out for the night, but wanted to write something while i'm waiting for someone to finish getting ready so that I can finally get dressed! Later~

Are You...Exploring Options?

Last night was fun. We had some good conversations and good food. It's so nice to have Yuta here with me. I miss having him around me on a daily basis. Miya pulled me aside last night and asked me a serious question and  it really made me think. I was sitting at the dinner table and I was laughing and joking with everyone while Yuta was cutting up my food for me. She declared that it was a bathroom break time and she wanted me to come with her. When we got there she turned to me and said "You love him....don't you?" I must have gave her a look because she then said "...Yuta?" I answered her truthfully and honestly. Yes, yes I do love Yuta. I love him so much it's crazy. He's my best friend....but that's not how she meant it. She wondered if I ever explored the option of something more than a friendship with Yuta. Of course I have...of course he has....we both have. The problem isn't him...it's me. I'm struggling with the fact that sometimes a relationship can ruin a friendship and I NEVER want that to happen with us. I could not live without his friendship...seriously. A romantic relationship is what our parents want us to have, but we have to do what is best for the both of us. He lives in Japan, I don't. This of course could be rectified with either me moving to Japan or him moving here. Our parents collective thought is on me moving to Japan. My parents love the Japanese culture, school system and language. Where am I going with this you might ask....my parents are ready for grandchildren. I know this. I'm 26 and it's just about that time that I get married and start thinking about a family. Would things be easy for Yuta and I? Yes, being with him would be as easy as breathing. Could we raise a family? Yes, I can see beautiful children. So what's the problem? Fear....my fear. the fear of leaving everything that I know and moving somewhere that i don't fluently know the language. I would be completely relying on Yuta. I've sort of agreed to give it a try. I'm thinking about moving to Japan for 6 months to a year. What that is going to mean for me and Yuta's relationship...i don't know. We'll have to see what happens. I want to share the advice and words that Miya said to me:

"Nothing would be different. I see how you guys are with each other. It's nothing short of a romantic relationship. I see the way that he looks at you. The way that you look at him. You guys have an amazing friendship and a relationship couldn't tear that apart. The only thing missing is the title. Don't be so scared of that. I want you both to be happy and I've never seen you as happy as you are when he comes to visit. Just think about it. It could be worth it. Explore all of your options and know that we'll all be here for the both of you no matter what."

I love her, because she always reassures me in moments of doubt. I have a lot of things to think about and I'm currently watching Yuta sleep knowing that the talk that awaits when he wakes up is going to be the start of something new. We've had this talk before, I know where he stands and now it's time for me to let him know where I stand. I'll keep you updated....

Are You...Thinking?

Someone special told to listen to this and think about it...
I actually love this song, but never took time
to stop and try to understand the lyrics. It has
a new meaning to me now... Enjoy it...

Are You...Living Life Happily? Part 1

Wow...wow...wow! This last week has been BEYOND amazing for me! I don't think I could have asked for a better week. I hate that this only happens about once a year around Christmas time, but i'm so grateful for these amazing people who I have in my life right now. My girls from Japan are here and they are lovely and fun as usual. Emiko is what I like to call a "wild child" she's always ready for a party and she is never tired. She's the only girl I know who can jump off a 13 hour flight into another time zone and emerge from the plane with flawless hair and make up! She's always on "GO" and I love that about her. Katsumi is my "quiet-reserved-sweet-girl" she is the total opposite of Emiko which is why I think they get a long so well. She's a thinker rather than a person who just jumps into things. She's our little voice of reason. She's tiny but she has such a huge heart and once you're her friend she will lay down her life for you. She always wants to make sure you are taken care of before she takes care of herself. Miyako is my little "balanced-mature-girl" she is the only one out of us girls who is in a long-term, healthy relationship. Her boyfriend means the world to her and she means the world to him. They are sincerely the sweetest couple...ever. Miyako really balances all of us out. She's not a wild girl, she's not quiet...she's in the middle. She is the go to girl for relationship and life advice and I don't know where I would be without her friendship!

My party girls! Kind of wasted! LOL

For the last week we have been going non-stop partying and we've been eating...A LOT! lol. We've indulged in alcohol more than we probably should, but we don't drink and drive and we don't drink often so it's fine to let lose every once in awhile! We like to experiment with new foods and new clubs so this week has been quite an adventure. It's Miya's first visit to the States so we've had fun showing her all the hot spots and enjoying her reactions of amazement at every new thing we introduce her to. She has fallen in love with my home and I'm so happy! 

Drinking and having fun! 

I guess a downside to my week would have to be that on Wednesday me and the girls went bowling and there was this little boy. I think he was about 5 or 6 years old. I was talking to Emi and all of a sudden I heard "hey, lady" I turned around and this little boy threw his bowling ball as hard as he could on my foot. It took everything in me not to cry or hit the kid. I don't think I've experienced pain like that since I injured my back 5 years ago. The first feeling after pain was panic. I'm a dancer and feet are important for dancing. I went to the hospital and after 3 hours I was told that I had 2 broken toes. As a nurse I knew right away that for broken toes you can't really do anything about it but tape the toes to the toe next to it and wear hard soled shoes. I've been pretty much in complete agony, but I'm not going to let it stop my fun that's for sure!

One of the gifts from my girls!

Part of another gift! It was a Harajuku Lovers file set! 

So after the whole broken toes ordeal, we spent so time at my house relaxing because I was in so much pain i couldn't even think about going out dancing or walking...anywhere. I knew that Yuta, his parents and Miya's VVIP Christmas gift was flying in on Saturday so I wanted to be rested enough to show them a good time. Oh yeah, Miya's VVIP Christmas gift was her boyfriend! Yuta and I decided to split the airfare cost to fly him out here for a few weeks. It was such a surprise to Miya. I knew that she was missing him a lot because they haven't really gone a day without seeing each other since they started dating 5 years ago. I'm glad we were able to keep it a secret from her. The look on her face when she saw him was PRICELESS! I wish I had my camera because I should have gotten a picture of it. I'm glad that she was happy and I'm glad that I was a part of both their first trips to the States. 
I'm going to leave it here for now. This is only part 1. I congratulate you if you were able to read this all the way through. I'll try to post part 2 within the next few days. It's kind of hard with so many people visiting, I have to spend time with my friends and my lovely family. This is my favorite part of the year and with 2011 coming to an end and a possible move to Japan in 2012 for 6 months to a year. I think that next year is going to be a year that I will never forget. Next post will highlight changes in me and Yuta's relationship...anticipate it :) 

Are You....Going to Join?

This is just a quick update about a website that I found out about this holiday season. It's called NoMoreRack and it's where i've ordered a lot of my Christmas gifts this year because the prices are so LOW! Click the link below to join and spread the word!

NoMoreRack.com

I'll be back sometime this weekend to update about all the fun I've had this week. Forgive me, but with 3 girls running around and 4 more people comign from out of the country. It's getting hard for me to find any time to do anything! Tis the season...eh? :)

Are You...Refreshed?

Omg...what an awesome weekend I have had! I'm feeling so much better about life in general and it's all thanks to the time I spent with my girls this weekend. Sarah, Marcy, Alicia and Kelly...my girls. We try to get together at least once every month and have what we call a "girls' weekend". We haven't been able to do it in awhile because we have all been so busy, but since I took a break from dance this term...my weekends are free <3 I want to relive every moment of this weekend over, but I know that next weekend is going to be even more awesome because my girls from Japan will be here on Friday. It's my 3 best girl friends from Japan. I met them when I stayed in Japan the summer of 2002 and it was like an instant connection. Emiko, Katsumi and Miyako <3333 I can't wait! These girls know how to party and when we all get together it's pure madness! I love them and it's Miyako's first trip to the States so we're going to make it extra special for her.  I'm spending a week with them...just us girls and then Yuta arrives on December 17th...just in time for Christmas. This holiday season is going to be the best. My house is going to be full of the people that I love...the people that love me unconditionally...flaws and all. My other parents...my best friends from here and my best friends from Japan. How could it not be perfection. Anyway, I'll fill you in on what we do after they get here. I just had to write it here because i'm so excited that they are actually coming to visit me! :) Back to this weekend....
So Friday I worked all day and Kelly called and told me that they had prepared a surprise "girls weekend" for me since I seem to be really down lately. I wasn't excited to go at first because I was tired from work, but I didn't want to be selfish so I agreed. We went to this cute karaoke bar where they serve the best sushi. I have never been anywhere cleaner. The sushi is so fresh, and I haven't found a place like it. We decided to do a private room, but it didn't stay private for long. Some guys who were on their way to their private room, saw Alicia come into our room while Marcy and I were singing and dancing to "Breaka Shaka" lolol....we finished dancing and the hostess came into the room with 4 bottles of sake. She said it was from the guys in room 308. We stared at each other because we didn't know what to do. We decided to accept the sake, but we were curious so we went down to room 308 and thanked the guys for the sake. They wanted to us to stay in their room but since the sake, most of our personal items were in our room and plus we had already started....Kelly decided that we should invite them to our room. The boys agreed and we partied in our room for hours. I exchanged numbers with one of the guys...his name was Jian...his eyes were gorgeous...really...they were bright and looked honest. We left the karaoke bar and decided to go clubbin!
We went to a club inside one of our biggest casinos here and danced and of course had more drinks. Talked to some more guys and just had fun! The cab brought us back to my house and as soon as we hit the door we were stumbling in and tearing off our jackets and shoes and stumbling for any flat surface to lay down on. I made it all the way to my bed, but the other girls didn't make it as far as the guest rooms. I had someone sleep  against the closet, another one sleep on the stairs and another one on the floor by my bed. I'm sure we looked a mess, but it was worth the horrible hangover we had on Saturday!
I would write about Saturday but it was pretty much the same thing...lots of drinking...lots of party and lots of being the social butterflies that we are! I don't expect anyone to have read this far. This entry was basically just for the purpose of looking back on the last few days and realizing how truly blessed I am to have such amazing friends that would do anything to see me smile!
Until next time....Party!

<3

Are You...Wishing?

Today was a rough day for me...I'm still having thoughts about Lee and today my mom didn't make it any better. I haven't mentioned to her that I've been thinking about him a lot lately so her comment caught me by surprise. I was on on break at work and my mom and her friend stopped by to bring me lunch since I had to take my car to the mechanic during my lunch hour. There were sitting in my office and my mom was brushing my hair and we were just talking randomly about my job and what we were going to do this weekend and then my mom just said "You know, she is going to get back together with Lee." Then her friend started asking me questions about his sister and if I've talked to him lately. It took everything in me not to break down and cry. 
My mom loves Lee...a lot. He was really the first boyfriend that she approved of and finally seeing me happy...made her happy and that's why when it ended...I hid it from her as long as I could, because things haven't been the same since. I don't smile as often...I'm depressed more. It's just bad, but how can I make it work? Her saying that simple statement nearly broke me down. If we both thought it was possible for us to work it out and adjust our schedules...then we would, but we can't see that right now. I really miss him though and I just hope and wish that it gets easier.
Two of my girls from Japan are coming into town on December 10th and I'm so excited for girl time! It will be just me and the girls until Yuta gets here on December 18th. I haven't seen my girls since I was in Japan last year. I really miss them and I'm glad that they are coming to visit me! 
In other  news..... since I've become so unhappy and depressed here and my parents are extremely worried about me...I might be moving to Japan....well, not forever ....but I'll probably be there for 6 months to a year. I'll be staying with Yuta and his parents. I think it could be a good change for me and I have a lot of friends there that can help me get out of this hole that I've seemed to have fallen into....
I'll keep you updated.....