You Asked....

I was asked a very interesting question last night, and I think I found the answer, but i'm not sure. The question was: "How come when we're apart, your whole world falls apart?" Seems like a simple question with a simple answer....right? Well, it isn't simple. The best answer I can come up with is that I lead my life with my heart and once people get in, it's almost impossible for me to shake them out. Once they find that out about me, they play on my emotions. It's the worst kind of weak point anyone can have, and once found out,  it's a weapon that does much damage. My mom said it'll get better with age and I'll eventually learn to leave those things behind that sound be left, but how much of me will be left when that finally happens?

I've realized over the last few days that as much as I don't want to have these feelings, there is nothing that I can do about them right now. So, the solution to that question is.......don't let us be apart, and my world will remain intact. Can you make that happen, and deal with everything that comes up along the way? Now, I'm asking....

New Dance Project

So I'm supposed to be working on 2 new dance pieces. One is for someone who requested something special and one is for me to teach in dance class in August. I'm going to be co-teaching teenagers(eek!!lol) with the other teacher Ashley. She wanted me to pick a couple pieces...so this is what i've chosen so far. I like them both, but i'm sure i'll find something else before Friday. 

Number 2:

I'm Back....

Back from my Japan trip...it was amazing. I'll go into more detail later. The written portion of the trip will be posted here, pictures and video will be on my wordpress blog because....well... wordpress has better privacy functions. Let me know if you want the link, I think everyone I regularly talk to has it. I could be wrong though. lol....anyway, this was like a wasted post, but i wanted to write somethingggg. Having really bad jet lag, so I'm going to sit down with my tea and work on my emo blog post about everything that happened during my trip. Look forward to it! :)


Sierra~

Next Stop.....日本

AHHHHHH! I can't believe that it is finally time....a few more hours and I'll be on my way to my second home...the place that holds so many pieces of my heart....Japan. I can't wait to walk through the airport terminal and be greeted by those who love me the most! I can't even contain my excitement right now. lol....I'll try to update a few times on my phone while i'm there. I won't be using my computer often, because there is someone who is tracking my ip-address and I really don't want him to know where I am. My friend assured me that he put something on my computer and phone that would make this person believe that i'm at home, when i'll really be thousands of miles away. Pfft...what am I worried about that for?!? I'm going to see my bestiesssss, my heart, my happiness, my everything! I'm outta here for now. Be prepared for tons of pictures of sakura and FOOD! 


Catch me if you can!!!!!
Sierra~

Stay Down...Always....

"Understand you are the one in my heart, and i'm holding yours so we can't live apart. When things stop making  sense, we'll figure it out. Everything ain't gonna be how we like, and what is worth keeping if it can't take a fight. Your healing is in me, and my healing is in you, so get your mind right cause here's what we're gonna do....Stay down...we're almost to the very best part....stay down...you'll always have a place in my heart..." 

...we too can pass the test. I know we gotta a lot of work... I know it ain't been the best, but it certainly ain't been the worse....

Wouldn't It Be Nice....

....make it all stop?

Late Night Crying Session....

it's starting to feel  familiar....

First Sight

Discovery...

I'm on a quest of self-discovery. Trying to figure out what path I want to take in life. I should have figured this out by now, but I haven't and it's frustrating. I want a fresh start, but what path do I take to get there. The first thing I need to do is get my health where I want it to be. I don't feel 100% so I think that will be the first thing that I do. I've been dieting since January. Just trying to tone up and work on endurance. It's been going pretty well so far but I have had some slip ups. It's time for me to get serious. I can't cut carbs completely but I think I'm going to try to keep them at a bare minimum. I need to eliminate the words "can't" and "it's too hard" from my vocabulary. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. 
I also want to make it a goal to go out more, by myself and meet some new people. I get so wrapped up in my professional life that I feel my social life is slipping away. It's time for me to detach myself from my laptop and find out what's out there for me, or who might be out there for me. I plan to have blog entries up about every new place that I visit. I'm going to start that after I get back from Japan. It's time to get back to the people and I can't say that I'm happy about how much time I spend on the internet. If I want things to happen for me then I have to get out there and make them happen. 
I'm thinking about making a career change as well, because as I mentioned in some of my earlier blog posts. I'm not happy where I am. I wake up angry in the morning, because I don't want to go to work, but here is the problem....I'm extremely comfortable where I am, and the idea of picking up and starting a totally new career is frightening for me, and I don't know if I want to do that right now, because I don't know how long I'll be in the United States. I really don't see a future in this country for me. Don't get me wrong America is great, but something in my soul tells me that I'm not meant to live here for the rest of my life. I don't know which country I'm meant to be in, but I need to pack away my fears and just go for it. Japan is an obvious option because I have family there, but I kind of want to go somewhere, where I can't rely on anybody. I just want to see if I can do it on my own.
I don't know where this path of self-discovery will lead me, and I don't know what obstacles I'll encounter along the way, but I know that this is something that I have to do for my own peace of mind and health. I hope that anyone who is reading this is also taking steps in the direction of self-discovery and I hope that your journey is easier than mine has been! :)


Until next time~
Sierra

No Words Needed...

Just listen, and feel....

It's what happens when amazing voices are blended together....

Happiness...Is on the way...

Feeling good compared to most days which is good. :) I had a little medical scare yesterday and had to rush to the doctor because my blood pressure was really high and I was having a diabetic crisis. Turns out that the blood pressure thing was just stress, and I was able to take a few hours to calm down and kind of get back on track. I need to be careful with my stress level, because it won't be long before I leave for Japan for 2 weeks, and I can't wait. On a daily basis I imagine myself exiting the terminal at the airport and being welcomed by Yuta, my second set of parents, miya, emi and kat. I miss them terribly and I wish I could fast forward time and be there now. If I could drop everything right now, I would go and live there. I already feel like my whole entire life is in Japan and the only thing missing is me. Why am I so scared to make the big step and commit to living there? My parents and brother's are a huge reason why I'm unsure. As far as my friends here, there are only a few here that I worry about. It's sad to say, but the rest are adding to my stress these days and I don't think that I'd miss that part of our friendship. I don't think I've ever needed a vacation as badly as I need one right now. I don't think I've ever needed Yuta as much as I need him right now. I don't think i've ever needed the wisdom of his mother as much as I need it right now. 
Everything that I need and want is there and I'm falling way behind. Hurry up April 22nd, I can't wait to just feel strong arms and warmth, letting me know that at least for 2 weeks I'm okay, I'm loved and I'm protected. I crave it daily and it's a source of happiness that I need. It's going to feel good letting someone take care of me for a change. It doesn't happen often enough. :) 

Until next time~
Sierra

Just Keep Breathing....

I miss you so much it hurts...

Wait It Out....

Pain on pain on play...repeating....

The Return......of Shinhwa!

Shinhwa!!!!! I'm so excited that they are back. I've been following kpop forever it seems. I have VHS tapes of Shinhwa, Sechskies, H.O.T and so many other amazing old school singers and rappers. Wow, my age is really showing! Anyway...I was just talking to my friend Marcy and we were saying how we wish that all of the old school groups could come back. We talked about how some of the kids might be like "who are these people?" While their mom's fan-girl and cry as they drive their little kiddies around! It'd be epic awesomeness! Really! lol I'm  beyond excited for The Return of Shinhwa, and they came back just the way I thought they would....AMAZING! I'm listening to their album as I'm typing this and memories of the good old days are coming back to me. I haven't came across a song that I don't like yet. I love the upbeat songs, I love the ballads...I love everything about this right now. 


Eric, Minwoo, Dongwan, Hyesung, Jun Jin, Andy....thank you for bringing me the music I fell in love with in 1998 and thank you for bringing the music back to me. I'm loving and appreciating the mature sound.  


Enjoy this with me....

Shinhwa-Venus

Shinhwa- Hurts

That's just two of the amazing songs! Make sure you support them and buy their music. I know that I'm not the only one excited that they are back, so pleaseeee show them support! I've been connecting with a lot of my friends who faded away from kpop with the "new era." It's nice that we can have a comeback just as Shinhwa is doing. 


Until next time
Sierra~

...at The Finish Line...

It's been a while since I posted something like this. I wouldn't call it a "sad" post, because although some of the words might evoke the emotion of sadness, I'm actually very happy. :) 


There is always something that pushes you back to the start. It could be a really good thing, something that makes you go back and gives you the chance to correct all the mistakes that you made in the past. I'm not looking at this setback as a negative thing. I'm going to dig deep and gather everything that is positive out of this situation. Where ever I meant to be, I'll get there. My finish line just changed positions, but I'll never stop running towards it, I'll run until I die...and if I die after I crossed that finish line....it's okay. I made it..right? I don't know what's on the other side of that line, but the accomplishment of finishing...I welcome it with open arms. After all that I've been through in my life, I can't be anything but grateful. My path is not easy and it won't ever be. I finally accept that...I'm finally okay with that. There's nothing wrong with fighting. My life isn't made to be easy, and that's just the way it was written for me. Physical, mental and emotional abuse...they are all a part of my story, and I won't leave those parts out, because those are the things that make me stronger than the average person. I've been beat until I bled by someone that "loved" me, I've been called worthless, stupid, told that I'll never be anyone, told that I'd die miserable. I battled back from all of that, so how could I let a setback knock me down? I'm stronger than that. I'm happy for everything that's happened to me and I know that as long as I'm still breathing.....I'm not at the finish line yet....

Until Next Time
Sierra~

They Are Coming....Because...

I'm drowning myself in the memories of love....

my heart is breaking with the thought of our lost love...

I feel that....
Please don't stay in my heart once you're gone....

Wake Up....

Right now...wake uppp

The Moon that Embraces the Sun...

*SEMI/PARTLY/SORT OF SPOILER ALERT!!!!!*

IF YOU PLAN TO WATCH THIS DRAMA THEN I SUGGEST YOU NOT READ THIS. I DON'T THINK IT CONTAINS TOO MANY SPOILERS OR WOULD TAKE AWAY FROM THE EXPERIENCE OF WATCHING THE DRAMA, BUT IT MIGHT BE MORE THAN YOU WANT TO KNOW. SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! now that i'm done shouting at you...you may continue :)

I just finished this amazing drama called The Moon that Embraces the Sun or The Moon Embracing the Sun...however you want to write the title. It's a period/historical drama and I know that some people find these to be boring, but this one was truly amazing, and I'm not saying that just because I'm biased towards period/historical drama's. I think that the actors and actresses each portrayed their respective characters with charm, care, compassion, love and devotion that would appeal even to those who enjoy "current" drama's.

I don't think I need to go into detail about what an amazing actor Kim Soo Hyun is, I will say that after seeing him in Dream High, this role opened my eyes up to just how amazing he is going to be in his entire acting career. King Lee Hwon was a young boy who fell in love with a girl and it just so happened that his brother Prince Yang Myung also fell in love with her, but there was another twist because Lady Bo Kyung had fallen for the young king as well. This all leads to an evil grandmother who killed for her son to get him in the position of King and the madness of father's who on one side did everything he could do to cover up misdeeds in the name of protecting his family, and on the other side a father who would do anything to push him and his daughter into a position of power, the corruption of officials, a shaman who was asked to do the unthinkable and a truly evil plot to replace crown princess Yeon Woo with lady Bo Kyung.  

For awhile it looked as though evil would prevail, but since we know that this is a drama....good always finds a way to fight back. It was a long and tough road for King Lee Hwon and the eventual Queen Yeon Woo, but they found their way back to each other through everything that was thrown at them. 

I watched this drama on Viki and I was reading some of the comments and I have to say that there were a lot of comments to the effect of..."all these people had to die just so that they are able to love each other". I don't agree with this statement, because although this was a beautiful love story, it was not just about Lee Hwon and Yeon Woo's romance. This drama was also about doing the right thing even when it hurts to do so, choosing the right path and it was based heavily on being a King and dealing with corruption and treason. Those are the bigger issues that I gathered from the drama, again, it might just be that I'm biased towards historical drama's so I read deeper into them than any other person would, but I don't like the misconception that this was all based on a story about young love. 

Also, another comment was made in regards to Lady Bo Kyung/former Queen. There were actually many comments about her being a victim of circumstance and having pity on her. Although I did pity her character somewhat, I can't excuse her evil doing because she was a victim of circumstance. Why? Because in my opinion Yeon Woo was the bigger victim. Everything that was originally and rightfully hers was stripped away from her at the hands of the Queen Dowager(Lee Hwon's grandmother), Bo Kyung, Bo Kyung's father and Princess Min Hwa(Lee Hwon's little sister). Although Yeon Woo could have and should have been angry she did not stoop to the low tactics that Bo Kyung did. I can't say that I feel bad for how her character ended up. 

Well, I'm going to leave it there, because I'm afraid that this has gotten longer than what I anticipated it to be, and there is still so many characters that I left out and so many more thoughts swimming through my head. I guess the main point of this post is to get you to step out of your "current" drama box and watch this amazing historical drama. You won't regret it! 

Until next time...

Sierra~

Somewhere Only We Know...

Our secret hiding place, Our place of shelter, the place that we've laughed. The place we had our first big argument. The place where we shared our hopes and dreams. The place we cried after every failure and setback, celebrated every goal reached. Birthday's, Valentine's Day's, Christmas', Graduation's. Our place that holds all of our bad memories, but holds many more of our extraordinary memories. There is only one place like that, and it's the one place you know you can always find me.....

"I walked across an empty land, I knew the pathway like the back of my hand. i felt the Earth beneath my feet, sat by the river and it made me complete. Is the place, we used to love, is this the place that I've been dreaming of? And if you have a minute why don't we go, talk about it somewhere only we know. This could be the end of everything, so why don't we go...somewhere only we know?"

Lightless

something I've been feeling lately...yeah.