Box of Chocolates?

This post is going to be different from posts I've made in the last few days. I have a lot on my mind and no one to share it all with. I don't know if anyone is reading this, but if you are...thank you. Today started like every other day. I woke up at 5am, went to the gym and then went to work. After I got off of work I received a call from one of my friends. She started asking me about my relationship and to tell you the truth, I didn't want to tell her anything, because she's one of those friends who I consider to be slightly judgmental, but I went against my better judgement and expressed my family's desires for me in the near future. I guess I should fill you in on these desires....my parents believe that I'm at the point in my life where I should seriously be considering marriage and starting a family of my own. If I'm being semi honest with myself I'd say that they are right. Those are things that I want, but I don't know if I want them right now. I don't know if I trust myself enough to not fail at making a marriage work and raising a child. Those two things are not something that should be taken lightly, so I won't. 

Sob story alert....and I know that I'm not the only one in the world who has been hurt by another person, but that hurt is what stops me from putting my heart in another person's hands. Giving your heart away is one of the scariest things you could ever do and if you're giving your heart to someone who doesn't realize the power that they hold...it's dangerous. I did that twice and the first time I thought that I would never get over it, but somehow I did. It was the second time that completely broke me and I still struggle to this day to trust people. How do you enter a marriage and raise a child when you're still working on putting yourself back together? That is irresponsible to me, because when I get married and have children I want to be able to invest my all into them. I want to be whole and complete.

I don't know what life has in store for me and all I can do is buckle up for the ride. All I know is that so far life has provided me with good times, bad times, lessons and experience. Everything that I've gone through has taught me something good and bad. I can't be mad at life, I have to embrace it and learn how to face it without being afraid at every turn. Is it true that life is like a box of chocolates?

Until next time~