Today was really hard. Harder than most days....harder than I could have ever imagined. I work in the pediatric field. It's hard dealing with sick kids every day. Of course there are some days where you get to see the children that are well, happy and adjusted, but you also see the children that are sick and miserable and those days are the hardest. Today, a 4 year old beautiful little girl came into the office. I have been involved in the care of this girl since she was 2 days old and just as all the children I encounter every single day, I've come to love her. Well, she came in today and she was working really hard to breathe, she looked exhausted and like she was going to faint. The thing that really got to me was the look of fear in her big blue eyes...she was terrified. I told mom to take off her jacket and shirt so that I could see her stomach and chest. The way that it was caving in with every breath she took frightened me to my core. I knew that something wasn't right, her pulse ox was 89% which is bad, she was breathing hard through her mouth, I grabbed the doctor and told her that I think we needed to call the ambulance. The EMS arrived and as they put her tiny little body on the stretcher I burst into tears, how could this be happening to such a small little girl. Now it was time to wait...wait for the hospital to call with an update on her condition. That call came at 4:00pm. I was told that she was diagnosed with lymphoma. There was a huge mass on her right lung and the cancer had also started attacking her kidney's. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. Cancer? Why? How? She was rushed to get a CT and a MRI and went immediately to receive chemotherapy. All I could think about was the pain that her little body was about to endure. It broke my heart to even think about.
I see things like this all the time and while I love my job, it's stressful. You become attached to these children and God willing, you watch them grow up. It hurts me when they are diagnosed with things that children should never have to worry about. Children are a precious gift from God. Little angels that walk among us on earth and I wish that they were able to remain as pure and innocent as they are when they first enter into the world. How do you explain to a child something that you don't understand yourself? She should be in dance class, drawing pictures, playing with her little kitten...not in the hospital, hooked up to tubes. It makes you realize how much you really have to be grateful for. Today was one of the worst days of my life. I will continue to pray for little B and I'll always watch out for her. If you can....please pray for her as well.
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