Thinking...

Things have been weird lately. I have my good days or good moments, but i'm still stressed. I wish I could let  some of you into my life. I need an outsiders point of view, maybe then I could find out what i'm doing wrong, or what I'm doing right. I've been trying to live with determination lately and for the most part I've been succeeding, but someone keeps appearing in my life at the most inopportune times. It's a weakness of mine, and I try to tell myself that I'm never going to get ahead if I keep looking back. Why is it that your mind is willing to push aside the horrible memories and dwell on the good times? It's so weird, because the horrible memories are more prevalent than the good and the horrible came more often than the good, so why does my mind seem so eager to disregard that fact? I don't know, I guess deep down I'm searching for something and running from something at the same time. If I stopped running and just gave in, there is a possibility that my life would be so much brighter, but there is an equal possibility that my life could come crashing down around me and all the assurance in the world can't make me feel comfortable with taking that chance....not yet.